Inventory List Of The FBI’s Raid Of Trump

Season Pass to Jeffrey Epstein’s island.

Schematics from team of scientists hired to create a lab-grown clone combining the DNA of Vladimir Putin and Papa John.

Several dozen cases of condoms made exclusively for Trump, due to particularly small size not produced by condom companies.

Creepy basement shrine to himself.

Computer files containing the secret identity of Q (it’s Tony Danza!!)

Small vial of psoriasis flakes from Hitler’s mustache.

McDonalds’ Grimace life size sex doll, including real ranch dressing dispenser.

Parchment copy of a deal with Lucifer, supplying him with two more years of life in exchange for the lives of his wife, children and grandchildren.

George Washington’s dentures, seemingly used regularly as a bathtub toy.

Trump steaks made of real Trump! (mostly his mother)

Flash drive titled “Bill Cosby’s Favorite Drink Recipes”

Special MyPillow made exclusively for him, comprised of human skin, a confederate flag, and Ivanka’s soiled undergarments.

Constitution Of The United States, seemingly used as a placemat for regular fast-food meals.

by Kit Lively

Kit Lively

Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence