Best Of 2021

Is Your Writing Career Fledgling, Emerging or Buried Under Ground Like a Lost Treasure?

As a writer, it can be very hard to know exactly where you stand career-wise. Are you emerging? Fledgling? Or buried waaaaay underground like a lost treasure. It’s such a fine line, believe me I know.

If you want some help, take this quiz to find out where your career stands.


Have you had any work published lately?

a) Yes, I had one piece published in my alumni magazine about my experience hooking up with a hot dog vender. It was a heart-breaking expose about meat-making and meat-loving.

b) I had a viral Medium piece about Democrats that look like dogs, and now I’m on a short list for the Peabody.

c) An ancient sea captain communed with the muses and penned a map to my location and buried it in a secret cove — does that count?


Has anyone ever approached you about teaching a writing class?

a) Um, yes, once when I was drunk with my hot cousin she told me I could write her essay for her college class and she’d pay me in pickleback shots.

b) I actually taught one at my alma mater, Harvard, and the students liked my work so much they started a fan club in my honor with its own Facebook group and free t-shirts. Ohandnowit’sarequiredcourse.

c) Many have approached me, but many have failed. Their bodies line the floor of the sea like a dark tribute to my alluring contents.

Are you verified on Twitter?

a) I’m not a blue checkmark sellout, but I do have 300 followers and only follow 385.

b) Yes

c) There is a legendary songbird who circles my location. You must answer its song with a harmonious melody or else be sacrificed to the great sea monster that lurks beneath, hungry for travelers.

Have you ever won an award for writing?

a) I won the Margaret Appleby’s Emerging Writer Star Family Member Award given to me by my aunt who saw a show on Broadway once.

b) Just one, the Lanford Wilson Award. God, I’m such a failure.

c) I am 50 million dollars worth of gold and jewels, I am the award.

Do you have an agent?

a) Yes, this dude Steve. I found him on Craigslist. He had this heartwarming ad that said “Yo want me to be ur agent also send naked pics pls,” and he does great work for me!

b) Of course! She is an agent at CAA, and I went to her recent baby shower where I met some stars from the new HBO drama about farmers who hookup. I’m now the showrunner but I don’t think the writers respect me.

c) The goddess Calypso. She is my mother and my master and will take 10% of the findings if you locate me.


If You got Mostly A’s: Your Writing Career is Fledgling!

I’m sorry to say but your career is not going well at all! You’re barely doing anything, and no one seems into it. Maybe think of a backup plan, like working at a zoo or selling candy corn or becoming a nurse.


If You Got Mostly B’s: Your Writing Career is Emerging!

Wow! You got this! You really are making a name for yourself as a writer, and people are noticing. You probably don’t go to sleep every night crying while eating Ben and Jerry’s, and that must feel amazing, doesn’t it? I need to know.


If You Got Mostly C’s: Your Writing Career is Buried Underground like a Lost Treasure!

What?! You are literally a lost treasure. I’ve heard whispers from the sea about your presence but I cannot locate a boat to seek you out. Keep calling to me and I will find you. Please, I must. I need the money, I got mostly A’s.