Key Takeaways from Horror Films

Alien: When you eat with co-workers, something is likely to spill out that you can’t take back.

 

Friday the 13th: It’s not the kids at summer camp that are pain, it’s the parents.

 

The Blair Witch Project: Don’t go camping.

 

Hellraiser: If your stepmother has the hots for your uncle, you could end up in a place even scarier than the set of Dr. Phil.

 

The Shining: Don’t marry a writer.

 

Halloween 2: The best way to keep people from using healthcare, is to set a psychopathic killer loose in a hospital and have him kill anyone trying to take advantage of health services.

 

The Descent: Not every girl’s weekend involves mimosas and massages.

 

The Exorcist: Stairs are murder.

 

The Blair Witch Project 2: Book of Shadows: Don’t tell people where you went camping. They might try to camp there, too.

 

American Werewolf in London: People in other countries view Americans as beasts.

 

The Babadook: Reading to your kids is murder.

 

IT: Probably the only real thing you have in common with your friends is that someone’s trying to kill all of you.

 

Scream: Phone conversations are murder.

 

A Nightmare On Elm Street: You can die pursuing your dreams, you can also die being pursued in your dreams.

 

It Follows: Sex is murder.

 

Phantasm: A flying metal death sphere isn’t as scary as a grown man with a ponytail driving an ice cream truck.

 

The Thing: Your co-workers aren’t who they seem to be. Neither are you.

 

Black Christmas: Phone conversations around the holidays are murder.

 

Rosemary’s Baby: The list of things that an actor won’t do to land a part is short.

 

The Witch: There’s a good chance the animals you own are actually vessels for Satan.

 

The Shallows: Sharks haven’t outgrown liking blondes.

 

Candyman: Talking to yourself in front of a mirror is almost always a bad idea.

 

Get Out: Meeting her parents is murder.