So, you’ll need to introduce a suggestive phrase that’s maybe something like this: “So I discovered Steely Dan on Spotify.” At this point, you might not need to say anything for the next hour or five.
Please Don’t Feed the Vampire! A plucky White House intern investigates the mysterious disappearance of some of Stephen Miller’s staff.
“The ashes of democracy.” Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg
Sorry: In this reboot of the classic board game winning involves finding a way to not say sorry or even accept responsibility for anything you’ve done. Bonus points are awarded if you can find a way to work the phrase “Sorry, not sorry” into an appearance on a mainstream news panel.
So, you’re heading over to the urinal are you? Perfect. I’ll be right here. Watching you in the big mirror while I go to town on these cuspids with a perfect counterclockwise motion.
But who didn’t make the cut this evening? There must be many, many unfortunate souls out there tonight just as deserving? They sit alone watching tonight. We have their names:
Grab some gold bars. “I usually hold down stacks of paper with an array one-kilo gold bars. If things are tight though, you might want to take a gold bar or two down to the food store and ask them to prepare you a bowl of French Onion soup,”
Alien: When you eat with co-workers, something is likely to spill out that you can’t take back. Friday the 13th: It’s not the kids at summer camp that are pain, it’s the parents. The Blair Witch Project: Don’t go camping. Hellraiser: If your stepmother has the hots for your uncle, you could […]
Welcome back students! It’s so nice—and surprising—to see how many of you have returned to the crumbling, rat-infested dust pile that is the American public school system. I certainly would’ve expected that my many recent modifications to the education system would’ve deterred you from returning to classrooms across this country. But, heavens, it just means […]
If you’ve already completed Drake’s challenge, which involves jumping out of a moving car, while dancing to “In My Feelings” and documenting the whole thing on social medial, you’re probably ready for some exciting new music based challenges. And don’t worry. We’ve got you covered. Doobie Brothers “Listen to the Music” Challenge In this challenge, […]
Injuries are a part of every sport. A hockey player might lose three or four teeth in a game, while never leaving the ice. In American football, 49ers defensive back Ronnie Lott once had part of his pinkie finger amputated so he could keep playing. But in soccer, sometimes it’s difficult to tell how serious […]
Rudolph The Ineligible, Pre-Existing Condition Having Reindeer Baby, It’s Warm Out There And Science Is Wrong, It’s Not Man Made Santa Claus Is Coming To The One Percent Part of Town What Child Is This That Decided To Be Born Poor? Run Rudolph Run, It’s Hunting Season All I Want For Christmas Is Your Two […]
