Posts

CARTOON: Tis The Season!

Get your Christmas (Halloween) candy! Today's cartoon by Carlos Greaves.

CARTOON: Broom Buddy

Dad's Solo Candy Quest. Today's cartoon by Mat Barton and Oren Bernstein.

CARTOON: Casper's Cousin

Ghost with the most... kills. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: Stale Candy

Don't say a peep about it. Today's cartoon by Amanda Chung & Vin Coca.

CARTOON: Cool Teach

Consuming mushy knowledge. Today's cartoon by Andrew Dicus.

CARTOON: Sharp Snacks

Nutty! Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

CARTOON: Punchline Pumpkin

Anyone else feel hollow inside? Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

CARTOON: Trainers

Whittle witch. Today's cartoon by Steve Daugherty.

No Treats?  Here Are Some New Tricks!

Your identity disguised by a Halloween costume, moon their Ring doorbell camera. Set up a dozen or so porta potties on their front lawn. Trap a particularly violent poltergeist in their bird-house. And more!

LinkedIn Recommendations for Halloween

Not like digging own cadavers for unholy experiments? I recommend Igor to scientist looking for qualified, reliable lab tech. Igor friend. Misshapen back is ugly rumor, total fake news. Igor back good. Igor take abuse and like it. Whip, chain, stick, no preference. Igor bring sense of dedication to workplace, inspire all of us to do best.

A Haunting Plea to the HOA: Halloween Decor Disaster

Greetings from Apartment 3B, where Paul, the self-proclaimed defender of sanity, would like to issue a pre-emptive strike against the impending Halloween decor about to engulf our building. I hereby cast my vote in favor of banning these festive accouterments in the name of safety! 

How to Tell Whether Someone is a Spooky Costume Person, a Silly Costume Person, or a Sexy Costume Person

If someone knows their high score in The Addams Family pinball game, they are a sexy costume person. (This year: A very suggestive Cousin Itt) If someone has a Snoopy tattoo, they are a silly costume person. (This year: Gumby) And more!

CARTOON: Small Foot

Shrinkage. Today's cartoon by Steve Daugherty.

Sorry, Kid, No Handouts - Here’s How You Can Earn Your Halloween Candy

Pay Up: Want to get things done like a real adult? Pay your hard-earned tooth fairy money and  bribe me. Cigarettes, hooch, allowance money and you’ll get all the candy in the world. This is how business is done, and the younger you learn, the more likely you’d succeed as a Congressman. 

Lame Late Night Horror Shows

"Frankenstein Meets the Press”- We get the monster’s views on bread and fire.

Ouija Board Do's And Don'ts

DONT use your Ouija as a cheese board during a supernatural-themed dinner party, particularly if the ghosts you will be contacting are lactose intolerant. DO allow ghosts to reach out for friendship by providing you with your neighbor's Wi-Fi password. And more!

The Parents' Music Resource Center Returns with an Urgent Message: Beware of Billy Corgan This Halloween and Protect Your Pumpkins!

As we outfit our homes and yards with spooky—yet tasteful!—decorations, we encourage everyone to keep an eye out for any funny business. In the year of our Lord 2023, it’s not only the risk of razor blades in apples that still demands our vigilance. It’s also a musician named Billy Corgan who undoubtedly has violent intentions for any and all pumpkins he comes across.

OnlyFansgoria

Frankenstein's Monster Exclusive Pantsless Twitch is Shocking! Plus, Best BBW- The Blob, Best Hot Body Waxing: The Werewolf, Best Who Definitely Love To Swallow- Zombies. Check out the best creators on the platform in OnlyFansgoria today!

CARTOON: Painful Renovations

Torturous homeownership. Today's cartoon by Nick Downes.

Don’t Say You Worship Satan If It’s Only on Halloween

Also, what are you wearing? Which part of “black robe” was too complicated? Did you really walk into our lightless abode of the damned dressed as Hellboy? And don’t even get me started with the slutty witch costumes. Why tempt our dread master Lucifer’s wrath by baring your cleavage at him? I think he’s made it abundantly clear he’s an ass man.

#MoneyAMonster

Creature From The Bank Lagoon, Michael Buyers, Accountant Dracula, and more #MoneyAMonster on this week's trending joke game!

'So Your Fiancée Woke Up with a Pumpkin Head, Now What?'

Now that there’s a huge pumpkin head walking around your house - meals are going to be a little trickier than normal. If however you eat all of your meals alone while hiding in a closet then please, skip this step. Food is going to be a problem because your lover has no way of eating it - she just has three goofy teeth and no jaw motion whatsoever.

CARTOON: Monster Mail

Where's my TV Guide? Today's cartoon by Dan Misdea.

Spooky High is Closing

For more than 200 years, Spooky High has been the preeminent educational facility in this area for young monsters, supernatural entities, and horrifying creatures, all seeking to learn in a safe environment free from the persecutions and distractions of the mainstream world. Our alumni are world-renowned, including the Frankenstein creation, six generations of Blobs, all seven Mummy siblings, and a real zombie who was in the “Thriller” video.

CARTOON: Pumpkin Drone

Boring blue ribbon winner. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

CARTOON: Mr. Frankenstein

Shocking! Hold my calls. Today's cartoon by Vaughan Tomlinson.

Vegetable-Inspired Halloween Candy No One Wants 

Jolly Radishes, Sour Patch Kales, York Bell Peppermint Patties, M&Ms (Mushrooms & Mushrooms) and more!

I’m Sorry for Wearing a Sexy Nurse Costume to Your Event But It’s Kinda Your Fault for Having It Close to Halloween

I’m sorry I invited 10 random people to your private family and friends shindig and told them it was going to be a rager. I’m sorry they showed up.

#KillerCandies

Kill Kat, Milky Slay, Scar burst, and more #KillerCandies on this week's trending joke game!

CARTOON: Pumpkin Prescription

We can carve it out. Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

I, Michael Myers, Want a Restraining Order Against Laurie Strode

I’ve been shot, stabbed, lit on fire, poked through the eye with a wire hanger — the list goes on. All have been her doing. Other acts of violence have been outright demeaning as well. Just last year, while a vicious mob had me surrounded in the street, some old lady struck me with, of all things, an iron. Like I’m just one big joke.

#GhoulishGames

Casketball, Fear Pong, Spooks and Ladders, and more #GhoulishGames on this week's trending joke game!

CARTOON: Howl-oween

Mailmen beware. Today's cartoon by John Cei Douglas.

Reaper's Diegest

'Ding Dong, Fooled You! and 6 Other Practical Jokes No Reaper Can Resist', 'Slim Reapers: This Year's Most Flattering Death Robes!' 'Which Celebrities Are On Your Bucket List?' and More from this month's Reaper's Digest!

CARTOON: Good Grief

Was it fun-sized? Today's cartoon by Dalton Vaughn.

CARTOON: Witched Guest

podCAST a spell? Today's cartoon by Jeremy Nguyen.

The Email Graveyard

95,000 LinkedIn updates, That article you're going to read someday soon, Response to the email about setting up a playdate with a kid you don't know, and more!

CARTOON: Pumpkin Pain

Been feeling a little scooped out? Today's cartoon by David Gomberg.

CARTOON: Caffeine Vampire

Think of your REM cycle dear. Today's cartoon by Vaughan Tomlinson.

Your Guide To Being A Spookily Great HalloWingman: Tips On Helping Your Buddy Get The Most, Best Candy While Trick Or Treating

It's a mistake to appear too eager! Have your friend play it cool and hang back from the crowd a bit. The person handing out treats will be intrigued by the indifference, and your friend may end up with a couple of extra fun-size Twix bars in his bag.

I’m Michael Myers from Halloween and I Just Want to Talk About Your Car’s Extended Warranty

You can shoot me in the chest, gouge my eyes out, stab me with a knife, impale me with a knitting needle, burn me alive, hit me with a truck, throw me down a mine shaft and blast me with dynamite, electrocute me, trap me in a room full of gas and light a match, throw me off a roof, and behead me with an ax, but nothing will stop me from coming back again and trying to sell you this warranty.

Little-Known Backstories of Misunderstood Halloween Candies

A great treat for kids who are too young to smoke, but still want to look cool. The candy cigarette paved the way for the invention of candy chewing tobacco, and candy nicotine patches. These are hard to find nowadays -  tobacco companies want kids to vape, anyway!

CARTOON: Wishy Washy Witches

Melting good time. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: Cheers

Howling Happy Hour. Today's cartoon by Mat Barton & Adam Cooper.

Streaming And Screaming!

Escape Room 3:  Rise Of The Terrordome-  A group of strangers are abducted by a malevolent organization and placed into a series of increasingly dangerous escape rooms.  The strangers, after thinking about it for a bit, realize that this situation is much better than how things are out in the real world, and so decide to simply stay put.  (Oct 20, HBO Max)

Goosebumps Books Updated for Current Times

Please Don't Feed the Vampire! A plucky White House intern investigates the mysterious disappearance of some of Stephen Miller's staff.

CARTOON: 'Minimum-Effort Precaution' Mask

It's the LEAST you can do- and we do mean the least. Cartoon by Brandon Hicks.

9 Spooky Halloween Costume Ideas During the Pandemic

Eager Zoomer with suit, tie and no pants, Mummified toilet paper hoarder, 6-foot space invader, and more!

Welcome To Your HOA’s Adult Progressive Disease and Virus Halloween Party

Consent is overrated when it comes to contracting diseases especially since you took your child over to Suzy’s, but no judgement. There is an H in HOA, but it doesn’t stand for HIPAA requirements.

CARTOON: Halloween Masks

Be super, mask up. Today's cartoon by Dalton Vaughn.

Pandemic Or Treat: Making The Most Of Your Halloween During COVID

As far as sexy costumes go this year, you simply need to honestly answer one question: Can a hazmat suit successfully have cleavage? If so, you're back in business.

#HorrorABusiness

Motel 666, Ben and Scary's, L.L. Speen, and more #HorrorABusiness on this weeks trending joke game!

7 Sexy COVID-19 Halloween Costumes

Sexy Cancelled Wedding: Did you cancel your wedding during COVID-19 or get invited to a cancelled wedding? Mmm, nothing sexier. In this micro-wedding dress, there are cancelled deposits stuck all over, as well as wedding vows from real almost couples who have now broken up cause it’s a pandemic and they realize they hate each other and the other person is a fricking weird chewer.

New Community Association Guidelines For This Year’s Halloween Festivities

Our smarter, more engineerically inclined neighbors are constructing hydraulic candy launchers and gravity-inspired candy chutes.  That’s fine I guess.  I’m not one to argue with a smart person.  We do however, discourage haphazardly throwing candy at trick-or-treaters. Candy corn can sting! The CDC method is probably best.  We do however, encourage you to throw candy at Marliese and Trent. 

CARTOON: Scariest Decorations

Terrifying. Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

#HorrorVeggies

Lima Screams, The Texas Coleslaw Massacre, Kales from the Crypt, and more #HorrorVeggies on this week's trending joke game!

Classic Urban Legends Updated for 2020

The Stolen Kidney updated for 2020: A beautiful woman seduces a young anti-vaxxer. The following morning he awakens in a bathtub full of cotton balls to find his arms covered with band-aids and a document containing a list of all the vaccinations he received.

Don’t Get in a Stranger’s Van, Charlie Brown and 10 Other Rejected Peanuts TV Specials

Has Anyone Seen Charlie Brown’s Bong? Pig Pen Gets…

Talkward w/ guest James Folta

This spooky Halloween episode of Talkward welcomes humor writer and performer James Folta! James writes for The New Yorker, McSweeney's , Weekly Humorist and is the Managing Editor of Points In Case. James also is a co-founder of The Satire and Humor Festival which is in NYC in March but just announced a pop-up weekend in Chicago in November! Check it out here and go! We discuss Halloween costumes, writing, book publishing and James' current projects in writing and pitching new narrative humor podcasts.  Also, who knew how bad at math we both are! Jokes! James also teaches humor and parody. Follow him on twitter @JamesFolta and we'll see you at the festival!

#HorrorHolidayMovies

Brains, Chains & Automobiles, Love, Hackually, It's A Wonderful Knife, and more #HorrorHolidayMovies on our weekly joke game!

CARTOON: Costume Questions

The Future is Female Fun. Today's cartoon by Ali Solomon.

Self-Care Tips For Zombies

Stay hydrated! A dehydrated zombie is, well, the same as a hydrated zombie, but it’ll give you something to do between feedings. 

Welcome to the "Humpkin Patch," Connecticut's Only 18 And Over Pumpkin Patch

Risqué photo ops? We got ‘em! We know you dirty fall deviants love to stick your head in all kinds of holes. That’s why we’ve painted a series of erotic scenes for you to insert your face into. Do it for the ‘gram! But be warned: The scenes depicted violate several codes of conduct on all major social networks.

#KnockOffMonsters

Pleatherface, The Slob, Chunky and more #KnockOffMonsters on this week's joke game!

Thanks For Selecting Our Airbnb, P.S. It’s Haunted 

Feel free to use both our washer and our dryer, we keep the laundry detergent under the sink. Before inserting your load, take the cowbell off the shelf above the laundry machine and ring it three times. This should scare the poltergeist enough that he vacates the washer. If he’s in the dryer, you’re out of luck – he really likes it there. 

Six Monster Vloggers to Watch This Halloween

Gone are the days when kids will fill a theater to see the beloved ghouls, gremlins and goblins of old. Still, many of our favorite monsters have made an effort to move with the culture, and here is our list of some of the best...

Coming Soon! To That Place in the Strip Mall Where the Halloween Store Used to Be

The Divorced Dad’s Den: Drum Kits, Leatherette Sofabeds, & More!

#HauntedHeroes

Rainbow Fright, Indiana Bones, Scooby-Doom and more #Haunted Heroes on our weekly joke game!

#CreepyCandies

Reese's Body Pieces, BloodGushers, Rosemary's Baby Ruth and more #CreepyCandies in this week's joke game!

#SpookySandwiches

Haunted Forest Ham, Ghost Beef, Pastrami on Eye and more #SpookySandwiches on this weeks joke game!

Repurposing Halloween Junk Into Thanksgiving And Christmas Junk!

Leftover Halloween candy (yeah, right) can be used as Christmas…

Key Takeaways from Horror Films

Alien: When you eat with co-workers, something is likely to spill…

CARTOON: Trick or Treat or Vote

Trick or Treat or Vote. Today's truly terrifying cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

Your Guide To The Hottest Halloween Parties!

Thomas' House Kind of a bummer this time around, as his mom's…

Easy Costume = Creative Topical Halloween Success!

Tattoos of everyone's name that you've met over the past several hours = Pete Davidson. And more.

Top Fantastical NFL Halloween Costumes

Unharmed NFL Spouse, Team Owner The Doesn't Harbor Secret Racist Feelings, Employed Protesting Quarterback and more.

Terrifying White House Inspired Halloween Costumes

Sexy Mitch McConnell, Zombie Mitch McConnell, just Mitch McConnell. And more.

Rejected 'Halloween' Masks

Did you know that Micheal Myers’ original mask from “Halloween” was actually just a Captain Kirk mask painted white? Believe it or not, Kirk was not the only iconic television star of the day to be considered.

Failed Halloween Treats

Fresh water taffy, Caramel-Coated Pine Cones, Topless Trading Cards Featuring Photos Of Your Mom In Her 20’s and more.

#SpookyExcusesForBeingLate

It was a funny, excuse filled haunting this week on our Weekly Humorist Witty Wednesday Hashtag game! On @HashtagRoundUp powered by @TheHashtagGame. We trended #8 in USA! Play our comedy hashtag twitter games every Wednesday at 11 am EST.

Haunted Houses for Dads

This haunted house is filled with socks. I can handle this, you think, I love socks! You sift through the piles and a vague feeling of dread envelops you as you realize there are no white crew socks anywhere. Only ankle socks and no-shows. All garishly colored. You look down at your feet and your white crew socks are gone. Replaced with ridiculous-looking, no-show socks that are…blue? What the hell? You grab a hideous sock from the pile that is threatening to engulf you and stuff it in your mouth to quell the screaming.

Other Horror Movie Remakes That Will Be Following The New Halloween Model...

The Amityville Horror: The house is no longer haunted, but there are a few foundation problems that probably need to be looked at. And that front porch is going to need a bit of work, for sure. And more.

We Regret to Inform You That We Have Rejected Your Job Application From Our Pop-Up Halloween Store (in The Old Kmart)

Thank you for your interest in Halloween MegaStore. Unfortunately, we decided to go in a different direction. The “blood-spattered” paper your resume was on certainly caught our eye. It also soaked my desk...

Hallmark Halloween Movies

Pumpkin Spicy: Ryan, a nice Christian man who probably voted for Trump — but it won’t come up — always wins the town’s annual pie contest with his classic pumpkin pie. But this year he has a new adversary — Sophie. And more.

#HorrorSports

I Know What You Did Last Summer Olympics, Synchronised Skinning, Ben Roethlismurder and more #HorrorSports from our trending hashtag game!

How to Carve a Pumpkin, as Explained by Ronnie the Pumpkin

Everything you love will be ripped away from you. Always pick a shiny pumpkin!

Halloween Horror Flicks For People Who Don't Like Being Scared

I Saw What You Did Last, Sumner Redstone VeryNormal Activity The…

CARTOON: Jackass O' Lanterns

Terrifying Halloween Costumes Based On Our New Normal

Fine Person Comes with shaved-head skull cap…