Least-Purchased Cyber Monday Deals

Gummers’ Eve douche for the elderly, pack of 24 for $8.99

“Extrava-Danza! The Poetry of Tony Danza” audiobook, 54 cents

Albinoel, A White Christmas holiday music app- 18 cents

Cowabunghole brand Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Butt-Plugs, set of four (plus bonus strap-on, The Shredder)- $24.99

Super Barrio Brothers video game- Help two Hispanic brothers traverse the perilous and frightening landscape of Trump’s America in this thrilling adventure! $14.99

iPhone that uses Harvey Fierstein’s voice as Siri.

Paas Swaastika Egg Decorating Kit- Tired of painting swastikas and racist statements on churches and schools? Try your hand at painting them on eggs with this delightful kit! Works on white eggs only.

3-D Virtual Reality Toenail Clippers- $2,499.99

Magic beans- One cow