Other Things We Should be Controlling Instead of the Weather

The USA is wasting a lot of time creating and sending hurricanes, tornadoes and lantern flies to scare patriots during this election season.  Think about it, our government is controlling hurricanes to hit red states when they could be controlling so much stuff for this great country.  I was just saying to my friend RealPatriot148296494 and he said, like, the government could be controlling high prices by having the government come in and control production of goods, and distribution, setting reasonable prices that all good Americans can afford.  Otherwise we might wind up like one of those Third World communist countries.  After a few hours and beers, we decided what else the government should be controlling:

Chem Trails

Instead of having chem trails from planes spread chemicals to control our minds, why don’t they spread scented sprays like peppermint or pine or freshly mowed grass?  I think that would be nice.

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Ghosts

I think we’re all tired hearing about ghosts and spooks and poltergeists running around haunting people and places.  There’s something the Deep State needs to take care of.

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Bigfoot

Seriously, how is Bigfoot still a thing?  And how is he not fighting for us in the Middle East?

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Clancy, the guy who lives down the block

I mean, look at this guy, trash piled up in his driveway, his house painted half green, half orange.  He flies like twelve different flags and NOT ONE of them is the stars and stripes.  He’s bringing the whole cul-de-sac down.  There’s no HOA to keep him in line, I think the government should be doing it.  And don’t get me started about all his dogs!

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My Rent

I’m paying money through the nose to keep a roof over my head.  We need some way to stop rent from being so high, some kind of rent control!

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Bad Drivers

I mean, we’ve all seen it, right?  After the PLAN-demic, once people got back on the road, they’ve all forgotten how to drive! People just zip in and out of lanes without signaling.  They beep at you at red lights even though they are five cars back.  They treat entrance ramps like launch pads into traffic. But I run a stop sign and the cops give me a ticket!  The nerve!  We need to control these Sunday drivers every day of the week!

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Powerball

What is the deal with these super-big lottery prizes?  And why is only one person winning it?  Can we have more winners?  Instead of one winner for 800 billion have 800 winners for 1 billion.  Why is this something we even have to bring up?

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Armed Immigrants

All these dangerous immigrants are streaming over the border and then go and buy a bunch of guns and then they start terrorizing real Americans.  How can we allow these foreigners just enter this country and buy guns?  Maybe control that somehow.