Please Enjoy Our Company’s Star Wars Day Themed Celebration, That Is Not at All a Distraction from How Bad Things Are Going.

From: Jennifer Daniels
Subject: May the 4th be with us!
To: All PinnedPointz Software Employees, PinnedPointz Software Contractors, PinnedPointz Software Interns

We know everyone has been putting in long hours after last month’s cost-cutting measures, but you’ve all done a great job picking up the extra hours and work in order to hit deadlines. In appreciation for all you’ve done lately, PinnedPointz is throwing an all-day Star Wars Day themed party Friday! We have a lot of fun activities planned throughout the day that we “Hope” you will attend, even if we can’t “Force” you! The schedule is as follows:

8:00: Employee March! We’re going to film all our employees as they enter the building while Mary Kelly plays that Darth Vader song on her trombone they play at college games.

Please be here by 7:55. We plan on putting this on our social media once we regain access to them! (I would like to use this opportunity to again ask that if anyone knows Esai personally to please reach out to him for our passwords.)

10:00: Get your picture taken with a Jedi in our new streamlined break room! Thanks to Dave we have a life-size cardboard stand-up of a “Qui-Gon Jinn” next to the new Keurig Machine (also thanks to Dave)! We have two flavors of cups available for just fifty-cents each! Choose Light Side (Breakfast Blend) or Dark Side (French Roast)! The lightsaber is missing the top half, but just use your imagination!

12:00-12:30: Lunch! We will be stopping by with a celebration sack lunch for all paid employees, so you don’t have to leave this fully armed and operational battle station! Our “Padawans” (Intern) and contractors will need to bring their own lunch. Regrettably, you will have to eat at your workstation due to the cantina (cafeteria ;)) currently being used for equipment inventory.

1:00: Costume Contest! I won’t be able to attend, due to HR being in the reduced Friday hours schedule, so I’m trusting you not to do any “Sexy” themed costumes this year. We don’t want a repeat of the Harry Potter Day Incident! This is also, not an invitation to just wear your bathrobe to the office. The winner will get a Star Wars Action Figure of “Constable Zuvio”!

2:30- 3:30: Visiting Guests! We will have agents from the IRS on-site, so please change out of your costumes while they collect documents for their ongoing investigation. This is not part of the celebration, so if they ask you any questions about former CEO Tina Paveelpshe’s whereabouts please do NOT partake in our “Talk like Yoda Day” at that time.

4:00 Cookie Party outside the IT department! We’ll be having Death Star shaped cookies and Blue (Diamond Almond) Milk sponsored by our new contracted IT staffing firm T3CHF0RC3! Remember PinnedPointz employees are no longer allowed INTO the IT area unaccompanied.

After Hours: The video conference room will be set up to stream “Solo” on a loop from PinnedPointz’ iTunes account. It is somehow locked in as it was the last movie Esai watched in there and (again) no one knows how to change it, so we’re just going to make the best of the situation for any employees having to pull an all-nighter. Just remember the main lights now automatically turn off at 7:00 pm.

As with all non-work events, deadlines supersede celebrations, so make sure you check with your supervisor before partaking in any of our scheduled events! If you have any suggestions for future events, please still use the CultureCommittee email. It will auto-forward to me. We’re looking for ideas until roughly the end of Summer. If we need ideas past then, we’ll let you know!

And May the 4th be with you!

Jennifer Daniels
HR Manager

PinnedPointz Software

This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received this email in error and share any information in it to the press you will be contacted by the law firm of Filoni, Hidalgo & Gutierrez.