The following represents all of the GOP-approved activities relating to Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. In light of the recent dancing video, please take time to review this list.
Responding with a simple “Hello.” when spoken to
Taking notes (shorthand)
Sending thank you/sympathy/get well cards
Teaching young girls to set a table
Setting a table
Managing a home
Preparing dinner while wearing a dress and heels
Sitting with ankles crossed
Avoiding mixed company
Repressing all sexual urges
Reading the Bible silently
Reading Atlas Shrugged silently
Abstaining from voting
Finding a suitable husband
Listening attentively to men
Please familiarize yourselves with this list and report any unapproved behavior to Rep. Devin Nunes, Chair of the Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Subduing Committee. Thank you, and good day.
Joseph Thomas is a humor and satire writer living in Memphis, TN who’s written for Robot Butt, Slackjaw, Second City Network, the Memphis Commercial Appeal, and others. For more, check out josepthomascomedy.com, or find him on Twitter at @JTScatCat.