Things That I’ll Miss About Wearing These Damn Masks…

Extra pimples on my face from wearing the mask (my wife loves to pop those, so she was actually happy to see me when I would return home).

The thrilling adrenaline rush of having an anti-masker glare at me from across the chip aisle at a small-town gas station.

Not having to cover my mouth during belches / sneezes (going to take a lot of retraining).

Trendy sayings and popular catch phrases will now have to be relegated back to bumper stickers and t-shirts.

Other people believing me when I tell them that I have a mustache.

No way to prove that it was me who decided to streak his boss’ backyard barbecue party.

Not having to trim my nose hair as often, if at all.

Back to sucking at poker.

No longer able to steal dollhouse furniture from craft stores by hiding the pieces in my mouth.

No extra layer of protection when navigating public restrooms.