Regional Variations on S’mores
There’s no snack more quintessentially summery than s’mores. We’ve all got memories of melting some chocolate and marshmallows between a couple of graham crackers, either on a campfire, at the beach, or in the backyard. But s’mores actually vary greatly from one region to the next.
San Francisco. Sourdough graham crackers.
Southern California. Instead of marshmallows, there’s half of an avocado.
South Dakota. After cooking and before eating, s’mores are carved into the likeness of a great American president.
Texas. Boy howdy, it’s as big as your head, I tell you what!
Cincinnati. The whole thing is slathered in that weird cinnamon-flavored chili.
Maine. Traditional marshmallows are unheard of in Maine, so locals use Lobster Whip, a curious blend of whipped cream and lobster stock.
Utah. It’s just a bowl of lime Jell-O.
Portland. Artisan graham crackers with a fish inside.
Midwest. Ketchup on it.
Kansas City. Have you ever had a mesquite barbecue s’more?
West Virginia. Rather than a marshmallow and chocolate piece between two graham crackers, West Virginians sandwich two or three fully constructed s’mores between the two outer graham cracker sections.
Miami. It features a guest appearance from Pitbull.
Vermont. Everyone gets a little bit of each s’more, because they’re a bunch of socialist commies up there.
Flint. Not safe for human consumption.
Hershey, Penn.: Instead of the graham crackers, they use two large pieces of chocolate. Instead of the marshmallow, it’s a piece of chocolate. Instead of the piece of chocolate, there’s six pieces of chocolate.
New York City. It costs $48.
Mike Pence’s House: Served with a glass of room-temperature milk (hold the s’more).
Spookytown. Haunted.
General Nefario’s Impenetrable Compound. Why, these s’mores are invisible…and loaded with plutonium!
Detroit. It’s a car. A proudly made in America, car.
Idaho: Stuffed inside of a potato, and then the whole thing is stuffed inside of another potato.
Iowa. For every s’more they eat, they offer another as tribute to their Scarecrow God.
Christmas Village by Exit 34. These s’mores are just for Santa!
- About the Author
- Latest Posts
Brian Boone is a contributor to Funny or Die, Someecards, Splitsider, The Chive, and Looper, and his work has appeared on McSweeney’s, StarWipe, and many other fine humor and pop culture destinations. He’s the author of several delightful books, wrote a musical about pirates, and came in third on Jeopardy! once. He will clog your Twitter timeline with dad jokes.
