Ridiculous Questions I Have About the New Social Media App Threads
Can you change the name to THREATS? That seems more appropriate for a social media platform.
Is this FINALLY a home for my hilarious cat videos?
Will this interfere with the signal to Bill Gates from my Covid shot
Do I have to buy VR from Facebook to see Zuckerberg smacking Elon Avatar
Will it crash like a Tesla on Autopilot to be as close to a Twitter clone as possible?
Should I just give you all my personal info or do you already have it?
Can we all just agree on one place––I just got the hang of My Space?Is making a thread the same as shooting ropes? Because I’ve been doing that since middle school.
Will it be as butt-centric as Instagram? Can it be?
Does the profile character limit allow for both “Russia Expert” and “Submarine Expert”?
Can you disable the comment feature? On the app, and also on the people on the street who say mean things to me?
Is this app a safe space? Just kidding, I already realize that there are no actual safe spaces! Got you!
Is this app like OnlyFans? And if not, could you make it more like OnlyFans?
Is this a good place to meet other idiots with similarly idiotic ideas and opinions?
Can you keep my mom off this one?
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
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Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of — winning the Noble Peace Prize or sending, Congolese gynecologist, Dr. Denis Mukwege to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of African women in war torn countries. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has written for Weekly Humorist, National Lampoon, American Bystander, Huff Post Comedy, McSweeney’s, Bombeck Writers Workshop Blog, Humor Times, written and/or produced for multiple TV shows and written standup material that’s been performed on Maher, The Daily Show, Colbert, Kimmel, etc. Now, on to Paul’s time-commanding Special Forces in Khandahar…
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Bob Eckstein is an award-winning illustrator, New Yorker cartoonist, and snowman expert. He is a New York Times bestseller and his new book The Elements of Stress and the Pursuit of Happy-Ish in This Current Sh*tstorm. He is coming out with The Complete Book of Cat Names (That Your Cat Won’t Answer to, Anyway) in August 2022.
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Andy Newton is a writer living in Astoria, Queens. His work has been published by National Lampoon and McSweeney’s.
