Ruth Bader Ginsburg Facts

When Ruth Bader Ginsburg was sworn into office, she didn’t say “So help me God”; everyone else said, “So help us Ruth Bader Ginsburg.”

Ruth Bader Ginsburg doesn’t pick out a jabot to wear each morning; each morning Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s jabots debate intersectional feminism for the privilege to put themselves around her neck.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg doesn’t preside over court; court sidles up to Ruth Bader Ginsburg and hands her a note asking if she wants to go out, circle Y or N.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg wasn’t born Joan Ruth Bader on March 15, 1933 in Brooklyn, NY; On March 15, 1933 in Brooklyn, NY a cheetah, Joan of Arc, and an extra dash of stardust coalesced into a baby who took one look around and said, “Fiiiiiine, I’m on it.”

Ruth Bader Ginsburg doesn’t wear pink pussy hats, because the gender binary isn’t feminist. A pink pussy hat can’t even approach Ruth Bader Ginsburg without unraveling.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg doesn’t wish she was tall, tall wishes it was Ruth Bader Ginsburg because her petite stature subverts patriarchal notions of power.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg didn’t have a species of praying mantis named after her by researchers at the Cleveland Museum of Natural History; a species of praying mantis held democratic elections and unanimously voted to name themselves after Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg doesn’t protect the constitution, because it would be ridiculous to forget the whole point of the constitution is to protect people.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg hasn’t had three cancer scares; cancer just really likes the opera so  Ruth Bader Ginsburg offered to share her great seats. She’s just nice like that.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg hasn’t met Chuck Norris, which is the reason Chuck Norris is still a conservative.