Six Landmark Agreements of the Miller Family


  1. Treaty of the Calico Critters Luxury Townhome


Zach’s G.I. Joe action figures are allowed to repurpose Tara’s Calico Critters Luxury Townhome as a Cobra Command hideout between 9am-11am on Saturdays. No member of the Outback Koala Family may be used and/or harmed during armed conflicts.


  1. The Streaming Accord


Tara is entitled to a total of six hours of Netflix per week. She will be allowed additional Netflix consumption in the following unique circumstances: she’s in a bad mood, it’s raining, Mom and Dad are tired, she’s sick, somebody else is sick, she’s crying, people are over.


  1. Mud Room Alliance


Following months of unsuccessful defense strategies, Tara and Ashley agree that an attack by Zach on one of them shall be treated as an attack on both of them. If, despite the alliance, a fight appears hopeless, one of them is to rush upstairs with a complaint to the Parental Security Council and make a plea for sanctions.


  1. The Labor Day Truce


The warring children of Dudley Dr. and Ashmont Rd. voluntarily dropped their water guns for twenty minutes at the annual block party. The unplanned ceasefire began after an unfortunate spray struck the glasses and face of Mr. Nelson, an eighty-year-old man who was sitting quietly, trying to enjoy his cigar.


  1. Tree House Cession


Zach ceded ownership of the tree house loft to Tara. The gift served as a reward for Tara’s bravery in knocking the wasp nest off of the neighboring tree with nothing but a catcher’s mask and a spoon. While the acquisition of the loft didn’t reduce the inflammation of Tara’s eighteen wasp stings, it was an important first step on the path to a lasting peace.


  1. Dining Room Table Annexation


The parties involved (Mom, Dad, and Zach) mutually agree that the Taj Mahal 3D Puzzle currently under construction on the southern half of the dining room table will remain untouched until the sooner of one week after completion or five days before Thanksgiving.