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CARTOON: What Would You Like...

Yule Log Quest. Today's cartoon by Tyson Cole.

CARTOON: All Shook Up

Naughty or naughty, baby. Today's cartoon by Vaughan Tomlinson.

Santa’s 9-1-1 Call Transcripts

Santa: The weapon used in the attempted murder were NON gluten-free cookies. AKA, a cookie that contained gluten. It’s basically poison.  911: A cookie is not considered a weapon. Sir, how is your mental state? How did you get in the chimney? Santa: A cookie is ABSOLUTELY an assault weapon, SIR, and I don’t appreciate you talking down to me. I am gluten-free, and the Smith family was trying to murder me with the cookies they laid out. This was a hit job from the people who started the War on Christmas.

CARTOON: Elf Problems

Back in the toy shop. Today's cartoon by Mat Barton & Adam Cooper.

CARTOON: Gunny Grandma

Someone's been naughty. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

CARTOON: Bezos Claus

Alexa knows when you are sleeping and awake...Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

I Saw Mommy Kissing the Easter Bunny (But So Did Santa Claus, Unfortunately)

You shouldn't judge my mother. She was a single mom working a full-time job and raising two small children. Of course, she found it difficult to date men who weren't put off or intimidated by the fact that she had kids. Perhaps it's only natural that she gravitated towards quasi-mythical holiday gift-bearing immortal figures like Santa Claus. He wasn't afraid of children, not in the least. We were the only reason he came around in the first place. That and the cookies.

#HellishHolidayMovies

A Christmas Gory, Funeral Home Alone, The Satan Clause, and more #HellishHolidayMovies on this week's trending joke game!

Mrs. Claus' Dec 24th To Do (While Santa Is Away) List

Place Frosty's magic hat onto life-sized cardboard cut-out of Brad Pitt, hope for the best. Hose out Santa's "Naughty Dungeon". Deep down, he's a good man; we all have our vices. And more!

Power Ranking The Best and Worst Mall Santa Laps For My Children 

#3 McKinley Mall: There was something off about this mall Santa but I couldn’t put my finger on it. So I placed my two cheeks on his lifeless lap and from that second I knew: this mall Santa was dead. Yep, a corpse dressed up in a Santa suit. It’s pretty unclear whether he died on the job or they had a hard time filling the role this Christmas season.

CARTOON: Knee Slap

Greedy needy. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper

12 Festive Ways To Fire A Whole Bunch Of Employees Right Before Christmas

Hold an office Christmas tree lighting ceremony. Ask select personnel to hang their now-deactivated key cards as ornaments. Elves escort the terminated out before entertainment arrives.

The Collective Bargaining Agreement Of Santa’s Reindeer

8. Removal For Just Cause: Eating the presents, Eating an Elf, Any attempt to disguise oneself as Mrs. Claus and blackmailing Santa with provocative polaroids.

CARTOON: Chimney Sweep

Hope you're wearing mittens! Today's cartoon by Nathan Cooper.

CARTOON: Naughty Deployment

Most of this is just for The White House. Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

Santa's Secrets

Accidentally stepped on your cat a few years ago, but brought it back using Christmas Magic; that's why its been acting like the cat from Pet Semetary recently.

CARTOON: Wear Your Santa Mask

The 12 days of isolation. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: Christmas Caper

The perfect plan! Today's cartoon by Mike Shiell!

Santa Claus Arrested on 132 Million Counts of Breaking and Entering

Following the sting, it was also reported that animal control services was forced to capture and euthanize nine aggressive reindeer which Kringle had been using as personal transportation to draw his sleigh. One reindeer reportedly suffered from an inflamed nose which allegedly was still glowing for approximately 30 minutes following the euthanasia procedure.

10 True Facts About the War on Christmas

In George Orwell’s novel, 1984, the character of Emmanuel Goldstein, the fictional enemy of the state, is loosely based on Elf on the Shelf. 

Hey America! What Are You Leaving Out for Your Delivery Drivers?

“The ashes of democracy.” Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg

CARTOON: In Holiday Heat

That's not Rudolph's nose. Today's cartoon by Brandon Hicks.

Letters To Santa

When Santa writes back it's not always cheery.

Gift Guide for Everyone in Your Godforsaken Life, Including Karen

Your Ex: Like last year, and the year before that, you drop an unmarked envelope containing your nail clippings under their front door.

CARTOON: Lil' Mitchy with Santa Trump

They've had it too good for too long! Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

#RuinAReindeer

Pole Dancer, Vomit Comet, Door Dasher and more ways to #RuinAReindeer on this week's joke game!

CARTOON: Naughty List

Off the record? Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

CARTOON: Trump Xmas

Everything spins. Today's cartoon by Paul Lander and Dan McConnell.

CARTOON: Secret Santa

The safe word is NOG. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

CARTOON: Wall Funding

The Year Santa's OCD Ruined Christmas

He's making a list and checking it twice...he’s checking it again, just to be sure. Oh dear, the “t” on Robert’s name wasn’t quite crossed correctly. Better check the list again. It seems “Sally’s name has one “l” that’s not quite identical to the other “l”. He’d better create a new list.

CARTOON: Emoluments Claus

I want to make money from all of this. Can you pay me too? Today's cartoon by J.C. Duffy.

CARTOON: 23andMany

That's a lot of mommy's kissing Santa. Today's cartoon by Scott Nickel.

CARTOON: Holiday Tripping

Take a holiday trip! Today's cartoon by Scott Nickel!

CARTOON: Gluten-Free Santa

CARTOON: Lazy Santa

Santa's Letters to Celebrities as Children

Hi Anthony, Thanks for the nice letter!   …

5 Takeaways from The Christmas Classic, “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”

Reindeer can be real a-holes. How else do you explain, “All…

CARTOON: Worst Job in North Pole

CARTOON: Holiday Outsourcing

CARTOON: Santa Cos

Illustration by John Daly