Tea Flavor Descriptions That Are Trying To Tell You Something

Classic Green Tea

We pick the finest leaves from the highest gardens for a classic, not-too-grassy green tea experience. If you don’t like this delicate but earthy blend, you might just be very hard to please by nature. Speaking of nature—it’s all natural! Steep for 5 minutes.

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Blueberry Delight

This sweet but refreshing blend of blueberry and acai will make it feel like summer all year long, even when you’re stuck inside and refusing to see a therapist in the coldest midwinter. It’s decaffeinated so as not to aggravate any anxiety that might accompany your self-diagnosed seasonal affective disorder.

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English Breakfast

The sophistication and illustrious history of this tea blend will make you wish you’d finished college, which you didn’t.

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Cozy Cinnamon

Mmm, bundle up and take a sip of this warm and comforting tea, which feels like the embrace of a loved one on an autumn morning. Unable to relate to that sentiment because of your inability maintain relationships of any kind? Well, then it just tastes good.

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Cranberry Hibiscus

The vibrant flavor and gorgeous color of this all-natural herbal blend will remind you of how much happier and better looking you were when you were young—and the slightly bitter aftertaste will force you to ask: what happened? In essence, this tea is good and you aren’t. You disgust me.

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Lemon Honey Mint

This tea feels familiar, until the mintiness sneaks up on you like the shadowy individual creeping just out of your peripheral vision as you read this. Don’t steep too long.

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Traditional Chai

You’re racist.

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