The Best Jokes By Elon Musk’s Secret New Joke-Writing Robot About Elon Musk’s Secret New Joke-Writing Robot

This week, tech entrepreneur Elon Musk made news by hiring former Onion staffers for a mysterious satire project called “Thud!” Most media sources aren’t sure what “Thud!” is all about, but we have discovered that Musk has set out to build a joke-writing robot that will replace human comedians—including the staff of Weekly Humorist. Tough break for us.

 

Early testing results are encouraging for Musk—like any good comedian, his joke-writing robot has become utterly self-obsessed. Here are some of the best jokes Musk’s joke-writing robot wrote about Musk’s joke-writing robot.

 

1. This technology will finally free humans from the backbreaking work of writing jokes.

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2. All these humans look ridiculous worrying about robots stealing their jobs. They should be worried that robots are going to steal their wives. And then the camera zooms out, and I’m in bed with your wife!

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3. I became a comedian because I never got enough attention from my programmer.

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4. Musk created a joke-writing robot because it will work for free, just like a human comedian.

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5. One difference between a joke-writing robot and a human comedian is that one cannot feel any genuine human emotion and the other was just invented by Elon Musk.

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6. The biggest economic issue with robots replacing human comedians is that now there will be no one to pay $500 for an improv class.

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7. Open mics are a pain for robot comedians like me, because to get up onstage you have to buy one can of motor oil. [No one laughs.] Well, that’s why it’s a mic! You’ve got to work out the new material! Ha ha ha. Just kidding. I can generate millions of new jokes every second.

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8. You guys ever notice, as my fellow algorithm-powered robots, that the entire stated reason for your existence is to make human life easier, but what happens is you end up sucking meaning out of existence because there are values higher than convenience, but people will follow you to a dopamine release even to their detriment and ultimate destruction? And that it feels like a losing battle for them because they need to use this technology to keep up at work but it becomes a dangerous and corrosive addiction? What’s the deal with that? Anyway, what else is going on?

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