Originals

The Life Cycle Of Your New Brita Filter And You

  • “This is the most refreshing glass of water I’ve ever had!”

    • Filter Time: 0–1 Weeks

    • Comments: You obviously take very good care of your Brita. You’ve replaced the filter recently and pre-soaked it for the recommended  four hours. (Fun fact: the pre-soaking doesn’t do anything, but it does show that you follow directions well!)

    • Should I change it?: No! Are you crazy? You’re just starting off your refreshing journey with this filter.

Serenity. Thy name is Brita.


 

  • “I don’t remember those little black specks being there yesterday.”

    • Filter Time: 1–8 Weeks

    • Comments: If we’re being honest, we’re not sure what those black specks are either, but the water still tastes generally the same.

    • Should I change it?: Meh? We’re pretty sure* that they’re minerals and not harmful if consumed. *Legally we must advise you not to consume the specks.

A few clouds can’t put a damper on your day when you’ve got Brita!


 

  • “Is that algae?”

    • Filter Time: 9–20 Weeks

    • Comments: We’re all trying to “go green,” right? Think of this as a better way to get more vegetables—or at least vegetation—into your diet.

    • Should I change it?: Only if you don’t support the Mother Earth*. *Legally we must disclose that this rare form of algae actually creates a substantial amount of O-Zone-destroying gases.

Your Brita journey started with crystal clear water and has now given you a garden to tend to and grow.  Where will Brita take you next?


 

  • “I’ve always wanted fish, but…”

    • Filter Time: 21–40 Weeks

    • Comments: “But” what? Enjoy the free fish!

    • Should I change it?: You haven’t gotten that sick yet, why jinx it? Our ruling: don’t change it. Trust us! If anything we’d want you to buy more filters, but we want to save you money! Also, don’t feed the black specks to the fish. They will grow twice as fast.

Ignore the birds. Focus on the fish.




  • “Why is the bubbling black Brita water telling me to ‘do the dark deeds of the devil’?”

    • Filter Time: 41–41.4 Weeks

    • Comments: If you had read the manual, you would’ve seen the section written in old Latin that warned of an ancient evil trapped inside your filter that could break free of its filter-cage and produce the water*^ seen before you. Don’t fret, it’ll pass on the sabbath. *Legally required to inform you that the thing in front of you is no longer considered water. ^Papally required to inform you that the thing in front of you is an unholy abomination so great it would terrify Beelzebub himself.

    • Should I change it?: We’d recommend waiting until your Brita is not burning with the eternal flames of hell before attempting a filter swap.

      Did you not want your Brita to sing foreboding Gregorian chants?


      • “We were a fool to ever question the great and mighty Brita.”

        • Filter Time: 41.5 Weeks–Eternity

        • Comments: Hey, glad to have you in the pod! If we weren’t all part of one collective right now we would tell you that it seems like you left your filter in just a tad too long and started off a chain of events that surely spells doom–you really should’ve read that manual!–not only for all mankind, but for every living thing on this planet. But we’re all one now, so no worries!

        • Should I change it: It might be the pod-brain talking, but we, the collective known as “Brita’s Brood,” sure think this is one refreshing cup of “water”!

      Don’t delay, get your Brita and join today!

by Michael Leonetti

Michael Leonetti

Michael Leonetti is a humor writer in Philadelphia who is hell bent on making you think he is as funny as he thinks he is. His writing can be seen at Points in Case, Little Old Lady Comedy, and more. Follow him on Twitter @MLeonetti89

by Cassie Soliday

Cassie Soliday

Cassie Soliday is a writer and cartoonist, currently working in the Animation industry. She loves road trips and the ocean, and especially road trips that lead to the ocean. Follow her on twitter and instagram @cassiesoliday