FAQ: The General Insurance

What kind of insurance does The General offer?

We’ve been proudly offering automobile insurance to those in need for over 60 years. During that time, the name General has become synonymous with quality and care. To date, we’re serving 40+ states and growing each and every day.

How long has The General Insurance been around?

Just over 60 years! During that time we’ve been fortunate enough to be able to help thousands of customers get safely behind the wheel. Our fantastic service and support is best exemplified through our famed General mascot and his jingle heard around the world, “For a great low rate, you can get online, go to the general and save some time.”


Where exactly did The General serve?

Good question! The General didn’t actually serve per se, he’s just a fun animated mascot our company created. Though just because he hasn’t seen any active duty doesn’t mean that The General hasn’t received any special commendations! In fact, in 2012, The General and Ken Roberts Productions were awarded with three prestigious Telly awards for their work in the animation category. Pretty cool, huh?


Is the General seeing someone?

Ha! That’s an interesting question.  Well, like I said earlier, The General isn’t a real person. He’s just a fun cartoon character brought to life by our talented creative team. So he doesn’t date much!


He doesn’t date much or not at all? 

Oops! Sorry if that wasn’t clear! The General does not ever date because he’s not a real person.

What is the General’s type, sexually?

What? He’s a cartoon. This isn’t some Cool World scenario where humans and cartoons can have sex. He’s purely fictitious.


Is it true that Shaquille O’Neal and The General met at Pure Barre class? If so, what was the class and how can I enroll?

No, this is absolutely not true. Where are you getting this information from? The General doesn’t go to fitness classes because he’s not real and as for Shaq, I can’t say for certain, but he probably has his own gym at home that he works out at. I can provide you a link to the Pure Barre website if you’re looking for classes, but you’ll find no such class featuring both The General and Shaquille O’Neal. The two have never met in real life because that defies the laws of reality.


Do Shaq and General ever fight over women?

I just said that they’ve never met in real life. I’m supposed to be answering insurance questions. The two don’t fight over women because Shaq dates real women and The General doesn’t. I don’t understand this line of questioning.

What do you mean by “Real Women”? That’s kind of fucked up. 

I just meant the women aren’t cartoons. I’m sorry. This has been a really strange first day and it’s not even noon yet.


Overall, how has your first day been?

Bad. This is an unpaid internship and you’re putting me in a tough spot. My dad told me that internships look good on resumes, but I don’t think he envisioned me answering questions about The General’s sexual proclivities when he said that. Also, my dad has been out of work for the last two years, so I’m not sure why I feel I should take career advice from him and why I constantly seek his approval. It’s destructive behavior.


Sounds complex?

It is. My dad used to sell insurance. Now he just talks about selling insurance. Maybe I’m being too hard on him. I know he doesn’t like being out of work, I just get resentful when he tries to control me and push me to do things I don’t want to do. The pandemic has been difficult for him, hell it’s been difficult for all of us. He’s doing his best. We’re all imperfect humans, Dad, me, you, even The General.


So the General is real?

Yes, but please don’t tell anyone. The last intern told someone and The General stuffed him in a cannon and lit the fuse. Really ugly scene, I’m told.


Also, The General only dates redheads with good automobile coverage. If you check those two boxes, you’ve got a shot.

Image: YouTube