The Stain Of The Union Address: Rebuttal To Trump’s Address By The Stain On The Carpet Of The Congressional Floor
Hey, how’s it going? Yeah, okay, this is Congress, but what can I say, I like to keep it casual. Not as casual as some of these guys, who can’t be bothered to wear a condom, but have no problem using your tax dollars to pay for the limo that carries their mistresses back and forth to the free clinic for a chlamydia dip. That’s seems just too casual, even for a Socialist.
At any rate, nice to see you! I’m a stain on the floor of Congress. Not really sure what I’m comprised of, although I do appreciate your inquisitive nature. Originally I believe that I was just a small dribble from a visual aid presentation used for a debate regarding stem cell research, but now, who knows? A bit of residue from a packet of Arby’s Horsey Sauce here, a bit of massage parlor parking lot mud from Mitch McConnell’s shoe there, and well, here I am.
Boy, that Trump really knows how to raise the roof, huh? Too bad he knows nothing about raising kids, though. Sheesh. The only person who may have done more damage to the human race via their creation would have to be the person who created The Bachelor. It might be too close to call, however.
I do try to conjure up some feelings of camaraderie with Trump. After all, I’m a stain, and it appears that ninety percent of his face is a stain. But I just can’t make it stick. And when you can’t make something stick with the leader of the free world, there’s a problem. Especially with this one, as he looks to be really sticky.
I listened to everything that he had to say (not that I had much of a choice, mind you), and what I came away with is this: Most of his ideas are fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants nonsense, designed to appeal to the lowest common denominator. And I know all about least common denominator (see my prior comment re: being partially comprised of condiments from Arby’s).
His comments and his demeanor are, as always, specifically designed to provoke, cause distraction via disagreement, and to divide us as a nation. And if you won’t take my word for it, just ask the many chicken nugget dipping sauce stains that dot his clothing. They were there in his secret meetings with Putin, after all.
- About the Author
- Latest Posts
Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
