Things A Dad Should Not Say To His Class Of 2020 Daughter On Prom Night

Any plans for tonight?

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Prom was the best night of my life.

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Is it possible for you to wipe away your tears with something other than toilet paper?

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And to think I complained about buying a dress that would only be worn once.

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Well, at least there’s graduation.

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I’ll dance with you.

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On the plus side, you are losing a memory of prom much sooner than most people do.

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Good news – your little sister can fit into your dress.

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There’ll be other senior proms.

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To make you feel better, tonight I’ll let you be both the banker and the thimble.

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It’s really not a big deal missing prom, but the after-parties are awesome.

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Seems like a good opportunity to clean your room.

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So, probably not the best night for another episode of “The Last Dance?”

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Sad? You don’t know sad.  Did I ever tell you about the time I . . .

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The good news is in nine months I will not be called Grandpa.

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Wow, it’s a perfect night for it.

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I guess I can reveal the big surprise: I was going to be a chaperone.

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I swear you said you didn’t even want to go.

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I can’t tell if you’re sad or just being you.

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The big positive is that in 25 years nobody will be able to point to your prom photos and say, “Can you believe you ever wore your hair like that?”

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Would you like to watch a video of my prom?

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I’m telling you I think we can still pull this off. All you have to do is get everyone on Zoom. . . No, hear me out.  I’ll then get my boom box. Though I need to find about twelve D batteries. . . . Trust me, it will be great. . . . So you’re not even going to try?!  . . . I did not raise a quitter!!

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