Things A Dad Should Not Say To His Class Of 2020 Daughter On Prom Night

Any plans for tonight?

Prom was the best night of my life.

Is it possible for you to wipe away your tears with something other than toilet paper?

And to think I complained about buying a dress that would only be worn once.

Well, at least there’s graduation.

I’ll dance with you.

On the plus side, you are losing a memory of prom much sooner than most people do.

Good news – your little sister can fit into your dress.

There’ll be other senior proms.

To make you feel better, tonight I’ll let you be both the banker and the thimble.

It’s really not a big deal missing prom, but the after-parties are awesome.

Seems like a good opportunity to clean your room.

So, probably not the best night for another episode of “The Last Dance?”

Sad? You don’t know sad.  Did I ever tell you about the time I . . .

The good news is in nine months I will not be called Grandpa.

Wow, it’s a perfect night for it.

I guess I can reveal the big surprise: I was going to be a chaperone.

I swear you said you didn’t even want to go.

I can’t tell if you’re sad or just being you.

The big positive is that in 25 years nobody will be able to point to your prom photos and say, “Can you believe you ever wore your hair like that?”

Would you like to watch a video of my prom?

I’m telling you I think we can still pull this off. All you have to do is get everyone on Zoom. . . No, hear me out.  I’ll then get my boom box. Though I need to find about twelve D batteries. . . . Trust me, it will be great. . . . So you’re not even going to try?!  . . . I did not raise a quitter!!