Welcome to the Brand New Makerspace Surgery Center at Your Local Library

Welcome to the new Makerspace Surgery Center!  Not only are we here for the children kicked off Medicaid, but also for the rest of us that are so chronically underinsured that having a DIY surgery center seemed like the best option.  I would also like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, Joanne Fabrics. When you need quality surgical dressings, think of Joanne Fabrics!


As we go through our tour, as your head librarian, I’m here to answer any questions you may have about the stations.  I’m almost as good as a real medical student but with less malpractice coverage. You can also check the reference material on the back wall next to the needle disposal jar.  It’s right next to the donation jar so please don’t get those two confused! But if you do, there is a Living with Hep C pamphlet on the bottom shelf.   


For safety reasons, children under the age of five or 42” tall are not allowed in the Makerspace Surgery Center unless they are being operated on by a parent or guardian.  For the rest, please feel free to drop them off at our History of Medicine Play Place. There, they can gain hands-on surgery experience using rusty medical gadgets and a bucket of leeches.  Instructive and super-fun staff will teach them about bloodletting and the four humours of ancient Greece! After your visit, please make sure they don’t need a tetanus shot. But if they do, remember only ten children per syringe, please. 


For the rest of us, let’s begin our tour.  Our first station contains all of our metal fabrication tools and equipment.   Here, you’ll be able to create your own scalpels, needles, and replacement hip joints.  The library does carry some raw material such as aluminum and steel, but remember Joann Fabrics for all your material needs.  


Next is the woodshop.  If you’re going for a more authentic look for your project surgery, you can use our chop saws, drills, and belt sanders to make almost any part you need.  For example, why not try using our 36” lathe to churn out a Victorian peg leg to complete that rakish pirate look everyone is after! This station is also a huge hit with Civil War buffs.  


And of course, with our emphasis on STEM education, our electronics station is perfect for crafting the bionics of the future.  Use the LEGOs provided to construct any body part you need to replace because your insurance stated that penicillin was an experimental treatment.  Be creative and see where your imagination takes you!! Do want a hand? Sorry, I should be more specific. Do you need to make a hand? Maybe dare to be different and put fun shiv on that stump of yours to help protect yourself from the bill collectors that are constantly showing up on your doorstep.  


No Makerspace is complete without a 3-D Printing Station.  It is one of our most popular stations. Using space-age plastics, you can craft realistic 3-D googly eyes to replace what the diabetes took away.  And it cost is much less than the insulin you couldn’t afford anyway Please be patient and wait your turn; we’re in a bit of an epidemic here.  


Once your project is complete, whether you’ve used wood, metal, or LEGO, it’s time to put your personal touch on your creations. Liven up those post-surgery infections with chalk and paints at our Decorating Station.  Turn that frown upside down. Literally, like the Joker! That was a fun and realistic portrayal of society! Have you seen it? Such a great movie! Anyway, use the color of gangrene to Bob Ross those little happy mistakes that happen along the way.  


Now that your work is done, it’s time to go to market.  Our media creation station will give you everything you need to create your own Go Fund Me campaign, an essential skill in today’s healthcare challenged world.  As the library’s resources have been cut as severely as your coverage, and several of our patrons’ limbs in the woodshop, we unfortunately no longer have internet access.  However, with our book-making supplies, you can create a very handy handout to give people at the street corner outside of your old job.  


 On the way out, please feel free to help yourselves to the donated gold teeth and expired pill bottles located by the exit.  You never know what you might find! And remember, Tuesday nights at the library is trivia night. A lively evening of “Guess the Disease” that is both informative and biologically upsetting.  Rubbing alcohol will 100% be served.  


Thank you for your tour of our soon to be closed Maker Space Surgery Center.  Once again, a special shout out to Joann Fabrics. Unfortunately, our opening day celebration is also our closing day celebration as all library funding has been diverted to pay for tax cuts for yacht owners. Bless their precious hearts.  Feel free to take home a copy of my own resume as well, which was made from repurposed bone shavings right here in our Maker Space Surgery Center!