Best of 2020

What the Location of Your Anti-Mask Tirade Says About You

Barnes and Noble — Your first name isn’t associated with an internet meme, but it will be.

Bass Pro Shops — You know what house your ex-wife’s lawyer lives in.

Circle K — You have reentered a drive-thru to protest a missing nugget.

Costco — You made a major financial decision based on an anthropomorphic spokes-animal.

CVS Pharmacy — Your bus pass was recently reinstated, conditionally.

Dick’s Sporting Goods — You missed your son’s Jazz Ensemble concert due to a “work thing.”

Dollar General — Your grandkids know where they stand on your favorability rankings.

GameStop — Everyone is terrified to take your clothes out of the apartment’s dryer.

Gap — You’ve responded sarcastically to a customer service chat-bot.

Hobby Lobby — You confronted a neighbor about something you found in their garbage.

Home Depot — You know what the city dump won’t accept, and yet you still try.

IKEA — You’ve written a note on the tip line of a bill.

Joann Fabric and Crafts — A small, yappy dog is mentioned in your will.

Kohls — You made your child tell a classmate they’re not allowed to be friends anymore.

Kroger — You removed a stick-figure family member from your car window, just to send a message.

L. L. Bean — You based your opinion of a country on a single interaction with a street vendor at a cruise ship port-of-call.

Macy’s — You love the fact that Instagram ads have you pegged.

McDonald’s — Multiple people bailed on your intervention.

Neiman Marcus — You’ve taken legal action against a dog breeder.

Nordstrom — You campaigned for a judge.

Orvis — You are a judge.

Panera Bread — You convinced someone to change seats, then spent the flight arguing with your spouse.

Pep Boys — You’ve used the phrase “my former old lady” in a legal proceeding.

PetSmart — Your Yelp reviews usually require the proprietor to respond.

REI — You saw the last eight Marvel movies in the theater and hated them all.

Ross — A final paycheck has been held until you returned a company-issued vest.

Sam’s Club — You know how much a neighbor paid for a wood-chipper but don’t know your child’s teacher’s name.

Sears — You used a timeshare exit service.

Sephora — You called someone from a Lyft ride to complain about your driver.

Starbucks — The prosecution and defense agreed to your removal from a jury pool.

Staples — It wasn’t really about the mask.

Sur La Table — Your kids go to a school that used to be a rich person’s house.

Target — You purchased a brand of dryer sheets because others were boycotting it.

Trader Joe’s — Most people only know you by your login name.

Walmart — You’re a selfish asshole who chooses to be misinformed.

Whole Foods — You’re a selfish asshole who chooses to be misinformed and you have Amazon Prime.