What You May Have Missed During The Michael Cohen Testimony

There were bits of orange residue beneath his fingernails, seemingly next to impossible to remove, even though it’s been months since he’s given a back-rub to Trump.

His tie was a clip-on, not due to any threat of potential suicide, but more because he keeps getting cheese all over his good ties.

The placement of his pocket kerchief was intended to make clear the fact that, in prison parlance, his dance card is currently clear.

The “secret code” of Trump’s, that Cohen made several references to, was actually Trump experiencing indigestion from the 20 piece order of McNuggets that he wolfed down during his noon bathroom break.

Though he continued to answer questions in a mostly coherent fashion, Cohen took a nap for forty-seven minutes during the testimony.

The way that he shifted uncomfortably in his seat from time to time wasn’t due to the difficult questions, but rather the fact that he’s currently practicing to smuggle large amounts of crack cocaine into the joint.

The baby antelope that he fed beneath the table for the duration of the testimony was not a publicity stunt for his upcoming reality show, but rather the only way he’s found that successfully keeps his blood pressure at a manageable level.

Cohen wasn’t stymied by any of the questions, but rather simply distracted by the “Dress Your Own Baked Potato” bar that was being set up just off camera.