Who Gets What in the Divorce of America
When Donald Trump was elected president, America’s honeymoon was officially over. He fanned the flames of division, and made it a point to split the country down the middle.
And as with any separation or divorce, each side is due their community property. But how to decide who gets what? Well, here is your handy official guide:
MAGA gets: Wal Mart
Everyone else gets: Target
MAGA gets: Kid Rock
Everyone else gets: Anything else. Literally, anything else.
MAGA gets: Cracker Barrell
Everyone else gets: Cracker Barrell via Uber Eats
MAGA gets: New members to train for militia
Everyone else gets: Birth control.
MAGA gets: Prom
Everyone else gets: Bring your daughter to work day
MAGA gets: Weekend hunting trip.
Everyone else gets: Weekend of running and hiding from crazed Trump voters in the wild.
MAGA gets: Daily bomb assembly lessons.
Everyone else gets: Home schooling.
MAGA gets: Book burning.
Everyone else gets: Burning carbs.
MAGA gets: Threatening political rivals.
Everyone else gets: Threatening to move to Canada.
MAGA gets: Crack houses
Everyone else gets: Bounce houses
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
