Your Guide To The Hottest Halloween Parties!

Thomas’ House

Kind of a bummer this time around, as his mom’s dickhead boyfriend is going to be in town and crashing with them.    So we’ll have to keep it down a bit, and no foods with strong smells.   Still, always a great time, so show up early for a good spot on the couch in the basement!    As per usual, BYOB (bring your own bong), but the one good thing about his mom’s boyfriend being in town is that there’s always plenty of Keystone Light in the garage fridge.   Nobody tell Theresa.


Dennis’s brother downloads all of the most recent, bad-ass horror movies from this Japanese torrent site, and some really sick European shit as well, and we all just sit in his den and watch them.    Nothing fancy, but almost every year his meth-head mom has a real freak out about something, and that’s pretty funny.    Last year she thought that Pete was a lizard person, and threw a lawn chair at his head.   Brings snacks if you want, but his sister lives there sometimes, and will usually bring home extra pizza from her job.

That Place By The Walgreen’s

They haven’t put a new store in that old space yet, or even repaired the fire damage, so this is on again this year.    We need a few people to show up early to scare away the homeless people who squat there (unless they look like they might have decent drugs).    Unless you want more fire damage, or for the cops to show up, nobody tell Theresa this time.    We’re totally serious.   It’s cool if her mom shows up again, but somebody ask her not to tell Theresa as well.    Usually not much in the way of food or snacks, but there’s a Wendy’s on the other side of the Walgreens.

Atchley Veterinarian Clinic

Gorfman’s dad has been kicked out of the house by his mom again, and so is spending his nights at the veterinarian clinic where he’s a janitor.    He mostly just sits around and cries to himself, so won’t put up much of a fuss if we have a party at the clinic.    This is the place that was on Dateline a couple of years back, so more than likely several buckets of animals guts to use as decorations, plus dog tranquilizers and shit.    We’ll be doing the Nyquil punch again, so be sure to have plenty of ipecac on hand.

Wheatley House Of Horrors!

Jen still has the IPhone video of her older sister having sex with their mom’s boyfriend, and so will be allowing us to tag along behind the scenes at her haunted house job.    She’ll also be buying all of our booze, so just bring along a few munchies.   We’ll get really smashed and then scare little kids who come through the ride, which is awesomely fun!!    You’re not supposed to touch the customers, but hey, we don’t actually work there, so fuck that shit!    Although someone tell Vitch to leave his brass knuckles and stuff at home.