Bet The Farm
The official betting app of the GOP. How many players will take a knee during the national anthem? How many Kansas City Chief fans stormed the capital on Jan 6th? Or think Rihanna should be deported? All the betting action of other apps, twice the baseless ignorance!
If you have to sit on the couch next to your stupid spouse and pretend to watch the Super Bowl as you craftbook with your friends, then this is the app for you! Prop bets include what are the odds that any of your scrapbooking pals gives a damn about the game and what time will it take to kick your husband’s drunken friends out and get your house back.
Bettin’ To The Oldies
Just because you’re elderly and have no idea how to work your iPhone is no reason to miss out on all of the betting action and excitement! Instead of relying on those new-fangled apps that are all the rage with the whippersnappers, we’ll send over several folks to your home and have them place the bets on your behalf! Of course, if you lose your bet and are unable to pay us back, we’ll send some other folks over to your house to discuss that with you as well.
If you’re like many football enthusiasts or idiots, living room and back-yard shenanigans have led to you have as many concussions as all of your favorite players. Welcome to FanDrool, the perfect sports app for fans with slight head injuries! (special note to whoever is reading this description for your incapacitated friend: don’t worry about losing any money, this app is actually just CandyCrush with football helmets instead of candy).
Are you in debt up to your neck due to dozens of severe betting mishaps? Still craving the delirious thrill of high stakes betting on football, but your wife is currently more pissed than the time that you got blackout drunk and grabbed her sister’s boob? Then it’s time for InDebtBet to step in and save the day! InDebtBet is to gambling what PornHub is to fucking: Videos of sweaty gambling addicts losing their shit over winning money that will be spent on their upcoming DWI.
Allows the user to compulsively check the status of the bet several times per minute. You can also improve the chances of your bet coming in by unplugging your television seventeen times, or counting the number of ceiling tiles twice before the game goes to commercial.
Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence