You’ve Decided to Vote for Trump, But Can You Figure Out Which Robert E. Lee High School the Polling Place Is Located?
Well, after months of the finest deductive reasoning, you have finally landed on a decision you can logically and systematically defend: casting a vote for Donald Trump for President of the United States. And just in time, too, because the polls are closing in fifteen minutes. But goddammit, if you just can’t remember which Robert E. Lee High School in your town the polling place is located. Irritating, yes, but once Trump is president, annoyances such as voting will become a thing of the past. So let’s just get this thing done.
Robert E. Lee High School on Martin Luther King Jr Blvd
Not the right Robert E. Lee High School, but a loving reminder that Martin Luther King, Jr. would certainly have been an avid Trump supporter, if only he wasn’t assassinated by a proto-Breitbart senior editor. It’s a real shame MLK missed out on seeing the Internet, where love and understanding can cross the world in mere seconds.
Robert E. Lee High School behind the tiling plant the federal government shut down last year for putting carcinogens into the drinking supply
Damn, wrong Robert E. Lee High School. But it is nostalgic looking back at a better time in this country. Back to a time that when school children began exhibiting the classic symptoms of gastrointestinal cancer, the good folks at the tiling plant built a new softball field for the high school junior varsity team. We are so divided as Americans right now that most of us wouldn’t even recognize such a humane gesture.
Robert E. Lee High School built on the old, haunted fairgrounds
We should probably get out of here. Before the ghost boy ground up in the Vortex gears in ’47 begins screaming about life-ending regulations. America hears ya, buddy.
Robert E. Lee High School on 8th Ave, next to the old brick wall Latino kids kick a soccer ball at
Man, it really doesn’t appear to be your day. But look at that beautiful, old brick wall. Is there a more sensical metaphor in all of American politics? Who needs your parents to stay in country, when you have such sturdy support right here in your own neighborhood?
Robert E. Lee High School right across the street from your house
Wish you would’ve checked here first, because this is the place! It just burns your ass that so many African American voters complain about having to inexplicably travel twenty miles to the nearest polling location, when you just drove all over town looking for the correct Robert E. Lee High School!
Matt Rotman is a writer, humorist, and filmmaker based out of San Diego, CA. His work has been featured in National Lampoon, Daily Grindhouse, Weekly Humorist, Delirium, and Diabolique Magazine. He currently runs the Bonkers Ass Cinema film blog, and his first book of the same name is due out in August 2022 by BearManor Media.