10 Alternate Expressions to Use When “Cutting Onions” Seems Played Out
Ok, so you just read something that brought tears to your eyes, but somehow you do not want to admit that fact to internet strangers about how moved you are. You’re cooler than that. Use these introductory phrases instead:
-
I’m not crying, you’re crying!
-
Oh man, my allergies are acting up. Hay fever, anyone?
-
My tear ducts sometimes spontaneously ejaculate water. Feel me?
-
William Tell missed again and shot an arrow directly into my peepers. You’re next!
-
Has anyone else rubbed tiger balm on one of their aching body parts and then furiously rubbed their eyes and then privates, or is it just me?
-
Whoops! A delicate, rare piece of antique glass shattered, and some its shrapnel went directly into my ocular nerves and is probably piercing a lobe in my brain. No, you’re crying!
-
I wasn’t just splashed by a rain puddle from an elderly man recklessly driving a Buick, you were just splashed by a rain puddle from an elderly man recklessly driving a Buick!
-
I just smelled my dog flatulence and it’s making my eyes water, oh, no, excuse me – it was my Uncle Frank. He’s gravely ill and his body is decomposing from the inside out. P. U! Anyone else?
-
Who’s cutting onions in here? Is it my aunt that returned from the dead to seek revenge on the doctors that killed her in what turned out to be a very dicey and pricey malpractice suit?
-
This made me cry.
- About the Author
- Latest Posts
Cara Marino is a freelance writer and TV producer. She has written grocery lists, notes to her husband and cries for help. She once had dinner with Walter Cronkite which she tries to work in every single conversation. It’s like, enough already.
