Originals

Brood X Cicada or Frat Boy on Break?

“Now billions of cicadas, from a group known as Brood X, are expected to emerge in the next few weeks.”–New York Times


  1. They break out of lockdown the minute the weather warms up.
  2. All they want to do is get laid.
  3. No concept of personal space.
  4. They never travel in groups smaller than swarms.
  5. You want to shout ‘Get off my lawn!’ whenever you see them, and then you feel old.
  6. They do not understand simple phrases like “Can you keep it down I need to go to work tomorrow!”
  7. Unlikely to attend college next year.
  8. An eight o’clock curfew won’t get them off the streets.
  9. Unwelcome wherever they go, but no one can stop them.
  10. You wonder how long they’ll keep singing. Seriously, don’t they need a break? It’s been hours.
  11. You’re pretty sure Tucker Carlson is one of them.
  12. In a couple of weeks, they’ll crawl back into the hole that they came from.

 

Brood X Cicada: 1-12

Frat Boy: 1-12

by Teresa Douglas

Teresa Douglas

Teresa Douglas is a humor and satire writer in Vancouver, Canada. She has an MFA and an MBA, which makes her a professional BS-er. You can follow her on Twitter at @TeresaReport and check out her work at theteresareport.com.