“Now billions of cicadas, from a group known as Brood X, are expected to emerge in the next few weeks.”–New York Times
- They break out of lockdown the minute the weather warms up.
- All they want to do is get laid.
- No concept of personal space.
- They never travel in groups smaller than swarms.
- You want to shout ‘Get off my lawn!’ whenever you see them, and then you feel old.
- They do not understand simple phrases like “Can you keep it down I need to go to work tomorrow!”
- Unlikely to attend college next year.
- An eight o’clock curfew won’t get them off the streets.
- Unwelcome wherever they go, but no one can stop them.
- You wonder how long they’ll keep singing. Seriously, don’t they need a break? It’s been hours.
- You’re pretty sure Tucker Carlson is one of them.
- In a couple of weeks, they’ll crawl back into the hole that they came from.
Brood X Cicada: 1-12
Frat Boy: 1-12
Teresa Douglas is a humor and satire writer in Vancouver, Canada. She has an MFA and an MBA, which makes her a professional BS-er. You can follow her on Twitter at @TeresaReport and check out her work at theteresareport.com.