Entries by J.K. Radomski

The Rolex Venti Flex and Other Luxury Brand Collabs We Should Expect to See

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Chanel x DoorDash: The Haute Mess Collection
This isn’t just a luxury fragrance line. It’s a testament to the complete surrender to convenience and culinary squalor. Each bespoke scent features notes of truffle oil, three-day-old ranch dressing, and the cold, unyielding desperation of a life slowly dissolving into meaningless. Spritz on “Pizza Grease No. 5” for that authentic scent of a late-night cry-session over lukewarm pepperoni, or bathe in “Midnight Nuggies” that capture the ephemeral aroma of processed poultry and profound self-loathing. Bottles arrive precisely 45 minutes past promised delivery, are suspiciously warm, and are gently launched at your door by someone who now legitimately hates you.

The Rites of Spring (Cleaning)

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Spring cleaning is an ancient tradition, dating back to when cave dwellers first realized that last season’s mammoth bones were starting to attract wolves. Today, the ritual persists, but with more existential dread and fewer saber-toothed tigers.

Dr. Victor Von Doom Rants About this Summer’s Trends

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Brat girl summer? What a pitiful display of mediocrity, inspired by an album that can only manage a third-place debut. Embracing imperfections and chaos is the creed of the weak, not the mighty. Doom does not settle for low-res Arial fonts and lime green backgrounds either. This trend is as fleeting and insignificant as the summer breeze.

Werner Herzog’s Requiem for a Steamboat

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As Mickey navigates the treacherous waters, his cheerful whistle provides a stark contrast to the grim realities that surround him. The boat’s three haunting toots serve as a chilling reminder of the dangers that lurk in the shadows. Those silent predators of our existence, patiently waiting to pounce upon the unsuspecting. They are the unsung terrors that shape our fears and fuel our nightmares, hidden from the light of day.

Where’s Melania?

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Oh no! It seems Melania Trump was absent from the festivities at Mar-A-Lago and the Trump family photo this weekend. This is fueling tons of speculation about her whereabouts and why she wasn’t at the party with her fam. Or was she? Can you find Melania in this holiday scene?

NRA Kid Books

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We’ve all heard about NRA TV and the gun happy shows they air, but did you know they also have a children’s book imprint called NRA Kid Books?                                            

Other Surefire Ways to Get Kicked Out of CPAC

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  Organizers for the Conservative Political Action Conference rescinded their speaking invitation to Milo Yiannopoulos after the conservative blogger made some shocking comments condoning relationships between children and men. This clearly crossed a line, as CPAC did not seem to have any issues with the controversial provocateur’s prior hateful attacks on feminism, racial minorities, or […]

Alternatives to Alternative Facts

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The truth seems to be a fickle thing in the new White House, as Trump senior adviser Kellyanne Conway recently suggested there were “alternative facts” surrounding an innocuous story about the size of the crowd at the President’s inauguration. Many found this type of pivoting worrisome, as it opens the door for the White House […]

Pick-up Lines Overheard at the Trump Inauguration

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Given President Trump’s notorious sexist comments about women, it wasn’t surprising to find several like-minded, machismo-fueled men scouring the inaugural events for a date. Here are some of the Pick-up Lines Overheard at the Trump Inauguration: How about coming back to my room for some Breitbart and chill? You’re like a great, great wall on […]