OK, totally disappointed here. It’s been two hours and Veronique is still alone in her dorm room. How can she live her best college life if no one will even make the effort to meet her? What kind of place is this? Is this how you raised your kids? — Turning the car around, V’s mom
If you sell 600 paperbacks but Amazon lets customers return all of them, how much do you owe your publisher?
“You wrote a book! How exciting!” (Oh you poor delusional fool!) “Where do you get your ideas?” (You seem so dull in real life.) “Will I recognize any of the characters?” (Am I in it and can I sue you? )
Rufus has so much love to give. Our behaviorist jokes that this not-so-bashful toy terrier is battling a Charlie Sheen-level sex addiction. All kidding aside, it’s probably best to keep this randy rascal away from other pets, stuffed animals, and anything you wouldn’t want to see coated in semen.
Flush $40 down the toilet. You’ve just paid your PTA dues! Fashion a necklace out of your teen’s socks to capture the olfactory splendor of the high school gymnasium. And more!
If she appears bored or lonesome, turn on ‘Vanderpump Rules’. It reminds her that she hates society.
Sturdy: Withstood being hurled at a relative during a Thanksgiving dinner political debate
June: “Oh, no, you might have swimmer’s ear. Get in the car, we’ll go straight to urgent care!” August: “Use your other ear.”