Originals
Math Word Problems for Writers
If you sell 600 paperbacks but Amazon lets customers return all of them, how much do you owe your publisher?
Entries by Liz Alterman
Best of 2022
Things People Say to Writers Translated
“You wrote a book! How exciting!” (Oh you poor delusional fool!) “Where do you get your ideas?” (You seem so dull in real life.) “Will I recognize any of the characters?” (Am I in it and can I sue you? )
Originals
Brutally-Honest Petfinder
Rufus has so much love to give. Our behaviorist jokes that this not-so-bashful toy terrier is battling a Charlie Sheen-level sex addiction. All kidding aside, it’s probably best to keep this randy rascal away from other pets, stuffed animals, and anything you wouldn’t want to see coated in semen.
Originals
11 Ways to Recreate the Magic of Back-to-School Night Virtually
Flush $40 down the toilet. You’ve just paid your PTA dues! Fashion a necklace out of your teen’s socks to capture the olfactory splendor of the high school gymnasium. And more!
Originals
Notes for My Cat Sitter
If she appears bored or lonesome, turn on ‘Vanderpump Rules’. It reminds her that she hates society.
Originals
Translating Popular Adjectives Used to Resell Stuff Online
Sturdy: Withstood being hurled at a relative during a Thanksgiving dinner political debate
originals
Moms at the Beginning of Summer Vs. Moms at the End of Summer
June: “Oh, no, you might have swimmer’s ear. Get in the car, we’ll go straight to urgent care!” August: “Use your other ear.”
