Breakfast At Tiffany’s

Personal Assistant: Ms Trump? There’s someone here to see you.

Tiffany: Ugh, more paparazzi? Is it the New York Times?

Personal Assistant: Er, no. I’m afraid they haven’t returned any of your calls yet.

Tiffany: Well, who is it then??

GrubHub Driver: Hey, it’s just your breakfast delivery ma’am.

Tiffany: Ah, yes! Please come forward.

GrubHub Driver: Oh hey, you’re that lady, from tv!

Tiffany: Yes, yes…

GrubHub Driver: Right! The nurse who was stealing oxy from the nursing home and selling it to junior high kids!

Tiffany: What? No! I’m Tiffany Trump! You probably know me from my reality dating show, Albinos & Winos.

GrubHub Driver: Um…

Tiffany: We take two different types of people and film them on a date. It’s pretty exclusive, you can only watch it if you have the Fishing Channel app.

GrubHub Driver: I’ve got it!! Your dad was the president! Dude, that guy is in a shitload of trouble!

Tiffany: Now watch yourself; you won’t get into my pants with that type of coarse vulgarity.

GrubHub Driver: I’m not trying to get into your…

Tiffany: But yes, you’re right… the former president is my dad. He won’t go to jail, he never does.

GrubHub Driver: Okay, but… I mean, they have a LOT of pretty damning evidence.

Tiffany: Ah, evidence is like an engagement party held at Waffle House: it only works when poor people are involved.

GrubHub Driver: Good lord… have you or your dad ever even been anywhere near a Waffle House?

GrubHub Driver: No. And we’ll never be anywhere near a prison cell either.

GrubHub Driver: ….

Tiffany: Now, did you not read the special instructions on my order? You’re supposed to beat off onto the oatmeal while I watch.

GrubHub Driver: Oh right, sorry.