Personal Assistant: Ms Trump? There’s someone here to see you.
Tiffany: Ugh, more paparazzi? Is it the New York Times?
Personal Assistant: Er, no. I’m afraid they haven’t returned any of your calls yet.
Tiffany: Well, who is it then??
GrubHub Driver: Hey, it’s just your breakfast delivery ma’am.
Tiffany: Ah, yes! Please come forward.
GrubHub Driver: Oh hey, you’re that lady, from tv!
Tiffany: Yes, yes…
GrubHub Driver: Right! The nurse who was stealing oxy from the nursing home and selling it to junior high kids!
Tiffany: What? No! I’m Tiffany Trump! You probably know me from my reality dating show, Albinos & Winos.
GrubHub Driver: Um…
Tiffany: We take two different types of people and film them on a date. It’s pretty exclusive, you can only watch it if you have the Fishing Channel app.
GrubHub Driver: I’ve got it!! Your dad was the president! Dude, that guy is in a shitload of trouble!
Tiffany: Now watch yourself; you won’t get into my pants with that type of coarse vulgarity.
GrubHub Driver: I’m not trying to get into your…
Tiffany: But yes, you’re right… the former president is my dad. He won’t go to jail, he never does.
GrubHub Driver: Okay, but… I mean, they have a LOT of pretty damning evidence.
Tiffany: Ah, evidence is like an engagement party held at Waffle House: it only works when poor people are involved.
GrubHub Driver: Good lord… have you or your dad ever even been anywhere near a Waffle House?
GrubHub Driver: No. And we’ll never be anywhere near a prison cell either.
GrubHub Driver: ….
Tiffany: Now, did you not read the special instructions on my order? You’re supposed to beat off onto the oatmeal while I watch.
GrubHub Driver: Oh right, sorry.
Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence