You’ve heard of rats deserting a sinking ship, right? Well, many of the NRA’s corporate sponsors are bidding them adieu, following the latest school shooting and the subsequent public outcry. Now here’s hoping that the captain of said leaky boat, Wayne LaPierre, will be going down with the ship as well. Into shark infested waters. Until that happens, we can ponder these…Corporate Sponsors Who Have Turned Their Back On The NRA, Surprising Everyone With The Fact That They Were NRA Sponsors In The First Place!
Sam’s Yams
Canned sweet potatoes with a hearty seal of approval from spokesman and yam aficionado Samuel Jackson.
Dildoze
Rubber male genitalia substitute that also doubles as a nighttime sleep aid. Not FDA approved, but available at most flea markets and dollar stores in the bad part of town.
Chimney Sheep
Why hire an expensive and smart-mouthed chimney sweep when one of our specially trained sheep will crawl back and forth through your chimney until it’s spotless! Then all you need to do for clean-up is give ’em a quick shearing; it’s a snap! Not available in certain parts of Duluth, MN.
Incestry.com
Are you curious about which of your relatives placed a groping hand inside your short pants at one point or another? Incestry.com has all of the answers you’re looking for, and quite a few that will make you sorry that you asked in the first place!
Pouchers
Kind of like Hooters restaurant, but in addition to cleavage and tight fitting shorts, our waitresses have had marsupial pouches surgically implanted onto their lower torsos! Great for placing tips and/or soiled napkins and other assorted debris.
Metal Mitts
Are you a fan of heavy metal rockers Iron Maiden, or perhaps the Scorpions? And do you also prefer to handle hot dishes fresh from the oven without burning your hands? It sounds like our Metal Oven Mitts are a match made in…. Hell! Each comes with the logo of the metal band of your choice, plus an assortment of colors and patterns to match any kitchen’s décor! Remember, just because you like to rock hot n’ heavy, it doesn’t mean that you have to burn your hands!
Fountain Of Youth Crotchless Adult Diapers
Today’s vibrant yet deranged nursing home resident is more than likely very sexually active, and pretending that it’s not true doesn’t change that fact. March headfirst into your worst nightmare by providing them with Fountain Of Youth Crotchless Adult Diapers. As the box says, “They prevent one kind of mess, while encouraging another entirely different kind of mess.”
…And The Horse You Rode In On, Inc., Dating Site For Horses and Other Large Animals
Please note, as we keep saying over and over again, this is a dating site for horses and other large animals. NOT for humans who would like to date horses, and or other large animals. Please stop contacting us with these types of queries. We’re not kidding, PLEASE stop!
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
