Evergreen Satire Headline Generator

Evergreen satire is hard! Use your birthday to create a headline for your very own evergreen satire piece now!

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January – Ernest Hemingway

February – Jane Austen

March – Lord Voldemort

April – Sylvia Plath

May – The Best Friend in Every Romantic Comedy

June – Werner Herzog

July – Gertrude Stein

August – William Carlos Williams

September – Anne Shirley

October – The Dad’s Boss in a 90s Family Film

November – Emily Dickinson

December – Mr. Darcy

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1 – Live-Tweets an ELO Concert

2 – Submits Writing Samples to a Greeting Card Company

3 – Tells You About the Recent Stay at a Sandals Resort

4 – Reads Excerpts from His/Her Late Night Submission Packet

5 – Emails a Series of Complaints to the Building Board

6 – RSVPs to a Friend’s Baby Shower Invitation

7 – …‘s Instructions for Making a Bread Pudding with Vanilla Bourbon Sauce

8 – Writes an Open Letter to the Neighborhood Association Regarding Trash Pick-Up

9 – Teaches How to Host a Dinner Party

10 – Recalls being Stuck in Traffic That Time in Fort Worth

11 – Tries to Decide What to Order from the McDonald’s Value Menu

12 – Explains the Song Brandy

13 – Interviews Country Music Sensation Luke Bryan

14 – Writes a Classified Ad Looking for a Roommate

15 – Interviews for a Sales Position

16 – …‘s New Stand-up Special Exerpts

17 – Reviews Your Town’s New Farm to Table Restaurant

18 – Drunk Texts Friends

19 – Attempts to Name a Dog

20 – Gives Directions to the Nearest Cracker Barrel

21 – Analyzes Fantasy Football Draft Prospects

22 – Checks His/Her Spam Folder

23 – Deliberates Over Movie Candy

24 – …‘s Favorite Knock-Knock Jokes

25 – Writes a Letter to the Editor of a Small-Town Weekly Paper

26 – Explains How to Assemble an Ikea Armoire

27 – Enters a Roast Battle

28 – Selects a Song for Karaoke Night

29 – Tells Bedtime Stories to Children

30 – Rewrites Famous Company Slogans

31 – Gives “the Talk” to a Classroom full of Fifth-Graders

 

Congratulations! You’ve got the perfect evergreen headline! Now all you have to do is write the piece, submit it, and wait for the rejections to come pouring in!