GOP Affordable Care Replacement Ideas

Don’t despair, folks! All is not lost! Just mostly…


Quit being a baby

You’ll probably feel better in a day or two.

The Bible Belt

While wearing this belt, the power of your prayers increases by up to 60%!! Also gives off a pleasant vapor action to aid in clearing the sinuses. Available by prescription only, $1500 for a pack of four.

The Whatever You Can Afford Healthcare Act

Just send all of your money to the government, and when they figure something out they’ll let you know.

 The Power of Hope

Can be remarkably life-affirming. So hope like hell that you don’t get sick.

 New scratch off game at McDonalds

Can earn you a check-up at the free clinic, a fist-full of off-brand cough drops, or a free order of fries / hash-browns on your next visit.

Plenty of fresh air

When your medical bills have sent you out into the streets as a homeless wretch, you’ll get lots of this.

Mudita – The Practice of Sympathetic Joy 

A healthy person can gain happiness from the good fortunes of others. So just sit back and bask in the glow of knowing that the healthcare that has been taken away is allowing your representatives in Washington an incredible, extravagant life of wealth and privilege, the likes of which go far beyond your wildest dreams! You should be back up and on your feet at the factory in no time!