Hollywood-Written Democratic Primary Call Scripts

“The Sanders script is a sign that the Sanders campaign is starting to go after all the candidates aggressively, not just Warren” – Politico

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Bernie Sanders Call Script by Rodney Dangerfield

 

Start by introducing yourself and asking which candidate the voter is planning to choose in the primary. Depending on which candidate the voter responds with, choose an option below:

 

• Joe Biden: Biden!?! My grandmother’s got underwear older than that guy! Why not just elect the corpse of Abraham Lincoln? Biden’s practically a corpse anyway!

• Mayor Pete: Oof, wow! Mayor Pete? Why would I want a President who looks like a ventriloquist doll and a serial killer had a baby, am I right?!?

• Elizabeth Warren: Warren…hoo boy, she’s a doozy! If I wanted a woman to boss me around, I’d still be with my wife! Hey-o! Haha I kid, I kid…no respect!

 

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Joe Biden Call Script by Michael Bay

 

Phone rings. When it is answered, sounds of an explosion ring out and a heavy guitar riff backed with a sick bass track is heard. Lights flash and a deep voice comes on.

 

Caller: In a world where the President is orange and war looms over us…

 

Voter: Uh, hello?

 

Caller (interrupting): Only one man can save us from the troubles that will come…

 

Voter: Oh, sorry, I’m voting for Elizabeth…

 

Caller (interrupting again): JOE BIDEN! (more explosions)

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Elizabeth Warren Call Script by Greta Gerwig

 

Caller stands in a dimly lit corridor, holding a payphone receiver lightly to her ear. She pauses with palpable anticipation as the line rings. Finally, a gruff male voice greets her curtly.

 

Caller (nervously): Yes, um, hello, sir. I’m Laurel, calling to tell you why I’m voting for Elizabeth Warren for President of the United States of America.

 

Gruff man: I won’t have that upstart’s name spoken to me on my own phone! She has poisoned my daughter’s mind with dark thoughts of college and life without a man to take care of her.

 

Caller: I can assure you, sir, that Lizzie wants nothing but the best for your daughter and all Americans. 

 

Gruff man: You can go straight to hell, young lady!

 

Caller (passionately, finally at a breaking point): Well, I guess I’ll see you there, good sir! We don’t need your vote anyway. While you’re sitting there on your comfortable couch in your comfortable sweatpants, we’re out here working…and toiling…and living. LIVING, sir! You think about that next time you see your daughter staring forlornly out of a rainy window, wondering what life she could have on the other side of that confining glass. (hangs up)

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Mayor Pete Call Script by Ron Howard

 

Caller (to voter): I’m a big fan of Mayor Pete because I think he’s the only candidate who can really unite the whole Democratic party, moderates and progressives alike. I truly believe he’ll be the one to beat Donald Trump this November.

 

Narrator: He won’t be.