I’m a Risk Taker

I’m a risk-taking motherfucker!

Oh, you don’t believe me? Well, I’ll prove it to you.

I walked right into a crosswalk without even looking to see if a car was coming. That’s right. I’m confident as fuck that I’m making it to the other side without incident.

Still don’t get what a risk-taking motherfucker I am?

I put my frozen pizza into the oven without preheating and then guesstimated how long it’s going to take it to cook. Yeah, that’s right, no timers for this risk-taking mother fucker.

I arrived at the airport 1 hour and 45 minutes before my departure time. I wasn’t even TSA pre-checked. Ris…kay.

I reset my iPhone to factory settings without backing it up. That wasn’t such a great idea. If you could send me your info, I need to re-enter your information into my phone.

I see you need more proof.

I ate some yogurt yesterday. It was expired by 48 hours. You heard me. 48 hours!

I’ll keep going.

I mounted my sweet 3 speed Shimano Nexus Hybrid bicycle and rode two blocks before realizing I forgot to put on my helmet. I opted to walk my bike back home and get my helmet because they help prevent traumatic brain injuries! Risk bay-bee!

I’m a cycling champ and still taking risks.

I played Super Mario Odyssey and didn’t look up any walkthroughs on YouTube. Wuuuttttt?

For a hot minute, I thought maybe vaccines cause Autism. I actually did my research and instead of using a fucking essential oils diffuser as a way to cure diseases, I went ahead and had my kids vaccinated like a mother-fucking caring member of society. Science is real bitches.

I used all the outlets on the power strip under my desk. That’s right. I used a piece of equipment in the manner that was intended. BUH-BAM.

You got that right, I used the popcorn button on the microwave and walked away. Who has two thumbs and takes risks?

I’m like the fucking Energizer Bunny. Risks keep on going.

I turned my car on without knowing if the volume was turned up or down on the radio.

I used a public bathroom. Wait there’s more. I chose the stall where the lock didn’t work right but had to pee so bad I didn’t change stalls and since there wasn’t any toilet seat covers left, I hovered over the toilet while I peed. I did all of that with my phone in my pocket. Take that Evel Knievel.

I didn’t wait 30 minutes before going swimming. This mofo takes risks.

Oh, you put the “do not disturb” sign on at hotels? Cool. Cool. I like to live on the edge, so, yeah, fuck that!

I didn’t vote in the last presidential elections because I didn’t like my choices. Yeah, okay, that wasn’t a good choice. I won’t do that again. My bad.

Like I said, I’m a risk-taking motherfucker!