Least Surprising Items Found In The FBI’s Raid Of Michael Cohen

Pages and pages of printed Melrose Place fan message board transcripts.

Doubles from Trump’s Happy Meal Dragonball Z action figure set.

A full shaven “little person” hypnotized into repeatedly doing the macarena non-stop.

Pop-Tarts with the number of the beast branded onto the frosting (strawberry only).

An evidence-shredder the size of person (sometimes called a wood-chipper).

RealDoll replica of Stormy Daniels wearing outfit similar to Melania.

Party Planning For Illuminati Get-Togethers coffee table book.

Crotch-less Barney the Dinosaur costume.