Memorial Day Picnic Tips

Honor our fallen soldiers by eating mayonnaise-based “salads” that have been sitting in the sun all day. @_CassandraDee_

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No fireworks around Great Uncle Charlie @DanMullenComedy

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Save the aluminum foil for the next world war @DavidMcGlofflin

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Celebrate Memorial Day with a party at the Mall! Nothing honors our dead more than knowing you have saved 20-50 % off top brands for the summer! @strangevista

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Be sure to write your name on the side of your Solo cup, along with the appropriate size of your genitals. @KitLively

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Be mindful of wearing swimming attire that reveals offensive tattoos around children, particularly if the tattoo in question refers to their dad as a prick. @KitLively

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Don’t challenge your uncle Burt to a wing eating contest. There are only enough wings for everyone to have two apiece. @KitLively

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If you want to skip a friend’s barbecue, just tell them your bone spurs are acting up. @BurkhartBrandon

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Every Monday can be a work holiday if you drink enough the night before @joehospodor

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If you forgot to bring something for the barbecue, just remember the entire planet is burning @joehospodor

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Have an equal number of red and blue cups @DavidMcGlofflin

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Don’t announce the moment of silence @DavidMcGlofflin

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Don’t wear heels if you plan to kneel  strangevista

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Remember, our vets died for our right to eat grilled meat by-products. Have a hotdog, you’re an American.  @BrandonSchmandn