Memorial Day Picnic Tips

Honor our fallen soldiers by eating mayonnaise-based “salads” that have been sitting in the sun all day. @_CassandraDee_

No fireworks around Great Uncle Charlie @DanMullenComedy

Save the aluminum foil for the next world war @DavidMcGlofflin

Celebrate Memorial Day with a party at the Mall! Nothing honors our dead more than knowing you have saved 20-50 % off top brands for the summer! @strangevista

Be sure to write your name on the side of your Solo cup, along with the appropriate size of your genitals. @KitLively

Be mindful of wearing swimming attire that reveals offensive tattoos around children, particularly if the tattoo in question refers to their dad as a prick. @KitLively

Don’t challenge your uncle Burt to a wing eating contest. There are only enough wings for everyone to have two apiece. @KitLively

If you want to skip a friend’s barbecue, just tell them your bone spurs are acting up. @BurkhartBrandon

Every Monday can be a work holiday if you drink enough the night before @joehospodor

If you forgot to bring something for the barbecue, just remember the entire planet is burning @joehospodor

Have an equal number of red and blue cups @DavidMcGlofflin

Don’t announce the moment of silence @DavidMcGlofflin

Don’t wear heels if you plan to kneel  strangevista

Remember, our vets died for our right to eat grilled meat by-products. Have a hotdog, you’re an American.  @BrandonSchmandn