News Stories You May Have Missed During The Kavanaugh Fiasco…

Climate Change Experts Warn That We Only Have Twelve Years!– Authorities on climate change have advised that our days in the sun may be quickly dwindling if steps to correct are not taken soon. President Trump isn’t concerned, however. Not only does he dismiss the notion in general, his skin has also already been damaged by so many years of tanning and tanning spray treatments that the effects of ozone depletion will have little to no negative impact on him. This will invariably culminate in his greatest success, as he takes over as the leader of Earth’s cockroach population.

Birdhouse Projects On The Up And Up– Birdhouse plans are on the rise among many users of recreational marijuana, as the creatively addled folk have discovered that the small homes make for excellent bong-type items. These extravagant and gorgeous creations, sometimes several stories high (if you’ll pardon the pun) are great for elaborate smoking amongst large groups of users, but unfortunately not designed for actual birds, who are still looking for a decent place to spend the night.

Nudists Not Allowed In Cake Shop– Continuing with what seems to be a trend of sorts, a group of nudists was refused service and asked to leave an erotic bakery and cake shop last month. “This is an outrage! We will no longer be oppressed!” vocal nudist leader Tyson Lamont told local reporters. According to bakery owner Candace Overton, no discrimination was intended, but rather her actions had to do with several other customers, who were distressed by the sight of the nudists getting boners while viewing the erotic cakes.

Emergency Notice From AMA!– The American Medical Association is using various media outlets throughout the country to spread the word: “shit on a shingle” is a phrase used in reference to a meal involving chipped beef on toast, and not a medical suggestion for curing the ailment of shingles. They do regret the confusion.