Other Crazy QAnon Conspiracy Theories

Miniature golf is an ancient ritual intended to contact bloodthirsty demons from the netherworld, who are usually happy to partake in a round or two of miniature golf themselves.

Diet soda contains billions of nanites that compel drinkers to wear Daisy Duke shorts to church.

Watching The 700 Club while high on prescription cough syrup is a human’s closet way to approximate nirvana on Earth.

Indoor plumbing is the first step on the rocky road to intercourse with Satan and his minions.

Kirk Cameron damned his soul to eternal hellfire for appearing on a sitcom with a character named “Boner”.

Wearing a necklace of gluten around your neck will ward off Democrats.

Socialists hold wet t-shirt contents using the tears of Jesus.

All proceeds from Planned Parenthood are used to keep old Benny Hill episodes playing on a loop on Vietnamese television.

When modern music hurts your head, it’s because the songs enrage the lice in your hair, which then angrily attack your head and skull.

The morning after pill is used by extraterrestrials to track and monitor Earth females who “might like to party”.

Sam Elliott’s mustache hides the serial number that proves, once and for all, that he’s a clone.

When Democrats hold their blood orgies, the snack platters that are set out for guests are comprised of bargain brand cheeses and crackers.

by Kit Lively

Kit Lively

Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence