People You Really Don’t Want to Hear Say, “I’m Not a Magician”
The defense attorney
The dermatologist
The plumber
The mechanic
The banker
The loan officer
The financial advisor when you plead with her to find a way to replenish your daughter’s college fund
The marriage counselor
The divorce attorney
The bartender after the divorce is finalized
The bartender in the bar you go to after you get kicked out of the first bar
The AA sponsor
The ex-mother-in-law when you ask if she can help you get Kimberly back
The magician you hire for your daughter’s first birthday party since the divorce
The barber when you drunkenly cut your own hair because Kimberly didn’t like it to get too long
The photographer doing your first family photos since Kimberly left
The voice teacher you desperately hire to make your daughter a star and make up for spending her college fund on all those gifts for Teresa over the past year and a half
The matchmaker friend when you’re finally ready to “get back out there”
The person in the airport you think is Criss Angel
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Joseph Thomas is a humor and satire writer living in Memphis, TN who’s written for Robot Butt, Slackjaw, Second City Network, the Memphis Commercial Appeal, and others. For more, check out josepthomascomedy.com, or find him on Twitter at @JTScatCat.
