Resolving The Diarrhea Paradox Plaguing Us All

Diarrhea…exists.

 

Can God prevent diarrhea?

 

If no, then God is not all-powerful.

 

If yes, then does God know about all the diarrhea I’ve been having lately?

 

If no, then God is not all-knowing.

 

If yes, then does God want to prevent present and future diarrhea for me and anyone else afflicted?

 

If no, then God is not all-good, nor is He all-loving.

 

If yes, then why does diarrhea exist?

 

If God created diarrhea to test me, then He’d already know how I’d fare against diarrhea (not great) since He’s all-knowing.

 

If Satan created diarrhea to torture me, then an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-good, and all-loving God could and would destroy Satan to prevent the further spread of diarrhea and diarrhea-like variants.

 

If God created diarrhea for no reason at all and could’ve created a universe where diarrhea didn’t exist, then why didn’t He?

 

If it was God’s free will, then could God have created a universe with free will but without diarrhea?

 

If no, then God is not all-powerful, all-knowing, all-good, all-loving, all-right, all-correct, all-that, all-of the above.

If yes, then I’ll ask once more, why didn’t He do that? Why? No, seriously why? WHY!? Because right now, I’d trade some free will for a solid shit!