Sir David Attenborough Narrates a Collaborative Google Doc

As dusk settles on a long day, a unique gathering commences. Nowhere in the world is more alive with energy than this place we visit today: the collaborative Google doc. And here, in this remote corner of the mighty internet, life thrives as an ecosystem of fauna commingles on the evening before a big client presentation.

The first creature we’re privileged to lay our eyes on is the Anonymous Fox. Its jittery movements indicate it’s got nothing to add but it’s ready to insert comments before you’re even halfway through writing a sentence. Beside it stands the Anonymous Buffalo. Quiet and generous, its presence soothing, it’s only here to fix people’s typos. But before we’re too reassured, with a gentle rumble comes Anonymous Turtle. A living testament to nature’s wonders, this survivor still types two spaces after a period that a younger pup will need to fix before morning breaks.

A stone’s throw away, we notice the glimmer in the eyes of the Anonymous Lemur. It will watch you type all night, its ever-moving cursor following your every keystroke. Following its moves, we see Anonymous Hedgehog, obviously your manager, known for moving slides around at will. Right now, it’s quiet, and all around the beasts eye it cautiously.

The gentle rustling halfway through the document announces the next animal, the Anonymous Hedgehog. It’s impossible to take our eyes off its movements, as it has been trying to spell “entrepreneurship” for the last five minutes straight. From a short distance, Anonymous Crow and Anonymous Tiger have stopped their graph-making to stare and cheer it on, as if saying “no, that word doesn’t have one ‘o’ in it, but we believe in you.”

Bounding over is the Anonymous Chipmunk. Throughout the evening, it’ll pop in and out, revealing itself to be a coworker on vacation who can’t help himself. Swiftly, the Anonymous Cheetah approaches. Hurried and lost, this feline looks ready to ping all those around asking why she’s only been given comment access.

Out from the shadows comes Anonymous Capybara. It’s our Oxford comma police, our shepherd of font sizes, and therefore obviously Bill, no question about it.

Suddenly, with a dark blue flash, the animals all freeze in place. What could this be? At a closer look we see that Anonymous Iguana has highlighted the entire document. One wrong keystroke and it could delete the entire presentation.

Among the scramble, one beast stays in place, mysteriously vigilant. Unannounced until this moment, we wonder what to make of the Anonymous Rhino. Who could this be? What could it want? Ah yes, it’s just you, in a different browser tab.

A ping on the side saves our band of beings, and the document is once again ready to continue its edit session. As in celebration, a stunning ballet of cursors is performed by Anonymous Squirrel, Anonymous Koala, and Anonymous Python. This is the team on the West Coast, a group that has been told to return to the office and now spends their days like this, typing up comments to one another from their desks, their headphones on until it’s time to head back home.

Such is the magic of the collaborative Google doc, a place where teamwork intertwines with self-promotion; where every creature, no matter how junior, plays a part in the dance of capitalism. Tomorrow we begin it all anew once a vice-president decides to pivot direction in the morning. Nature’s wonders never cease to amaze.