Steps To Deprogramming A Trump Follower
1) Lure the Trump supporter to a tantalizing mock-up garage sale, featuring items such as confederate flag shot-glasses and beer cozies, back issues of Guns & Ammo, and collectible figurines and snow-globes that feature Jesus punching a hippie in the mouth. At this fake garage sale, set-up a food concession stand serving Goya beans and Keystone Beer (not Keystone Light!!!), both of which should be laced with a strong sedative.
2) Once the Trump supporter has been rendered unconscious, either by the sedative or by the two Keystone’s that your forgot to dose, take them inside the home holding the “garage sale”, which is in actuality a home that up until recently was used to sell meth and crack to locals (kind of alarming that they didn’t recognize it immediately, really).
3) Seat the Trump supporter on the couch of the house’s mock-up living room, which should be set up with as many comforting details as possible that mirror the Trump voter’s actual living room; try your best to not miss even one couch stain or untended, overflowing kitty litter box! The bong shaped like Jesus holding an Uzi should contain a mixture of marijuana and your chosen sedative, just to be on the safe side.
4) When the Trump supporter comes to on the couch, the television in front of him / her should already be on, seemingly tuned to FOX (what else?), but in this case a modified, heavily edited version of FOX that broadcasts actual facts and helpful information. The Trump voter may seem confused and protest at first; if that’s the case, send in the fake GrubHub delivery guy with the wings and bacon ranch cheese tater tots, dosed with plenty of sedative.
5) If the Trump supporter is able to withstand more than 72 hours of corrected FOX news coverage without breaking, it may be time to spend a few bucks and set-up an intervention attended by Amy Coney Barrett and Ted Nugent look-alikes (both surprisingly charging quite a bit for their services).
6) If none of these steps do the trick, it may be time to finally unfriend the Trump supporter on Facebook.
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
