How To Tell If You’re Allowed In The White House Press Briefing Room
Your paper has plenty of gratis full-page ads for Ivanka’s sassy line of products.
Glenn McCoy’s political cartoons take up every square inch of your comics section.
You’ve managed to convince both of your teenage daughters to have their abortions reversed.
The only trans that your paper mentions are the Trans Ams in the automotive classified section.
Your Dear Abby column has been replace by Dear Kellyanne.
You honestly believe, and have the polygraph to prove it, that Sean Spicer isn’t a dead-eyed, spineless, heartless douchebag.
You work for an news network that will go unnamed here, but rhymes with “cocks”.
You believe that gay people shouldn’t get married, but also that people shouldn’t have sex until after marriage.
Your definition of “glory” applies to both your strongly held religious beliefs, as well as to the grimy hole that you drunkenly stuff your penis into more evenings than not.
Every time you walk into the press briefing room, the pentagram tattooed onto your chest begins to throb and pulse warmly.
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
